Trust Me
by DobbyRoxMySox
Summary: When Lily and James are found fighting again Profesor Sinistra decides to put an end to their squabbles once and for all. Unfortunately, her method involves something Lily and James aren't too keen on: Spending time together, and learning to trust. LJ
1. Hate That I Love You

_A/N: Alright, so here's the deal. The other day we were doing these retarded trust exercizes in my Project Adventure class, and as I was groping around, blinfolded, trying to make me way across an obstacle course without tripping over my own feet and making a complete fool of myself, I was thinking about Lily and James Potter. Yeah, only I would do that. Anywho, that's how the idea for this story was born. This first chapter is kind of just a prologue, it's fairly short by my standards, but I felt like it was kind of a stand alone piece. I'll get into the plot in the next chapter if enough people are interested. That means REVIEW! I am an absolute review addict. I won't blackmail you by telling you I won't update unless you review, but it would certainly speed the process along. Wink, wink..._

_Oh yeah, and James may seem a little bit OOC at the end of this chapter, but just keep in mind that there are external circumstances that are making him act this way, which will be expanded on later in the story. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I'm just a clumsy teenager who loathes gym classes. _

* * *

"Trust me!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, dodging a crystal ball he'd hurled at my head, "If I wasn't afraid of being sent to Azkaban, I would have shoved you into a dragon nest by now, and laughed as I watched them burn you to cinders and feast on your pathetic entrails!"

I watched in satisfaction as Potter's eyes widened in alarm. "Geesh Evens-" he started, before the chair I'd bewitched to chase him barreled into his chest and knocked him to the floor.

He wrestled with the offending stool for awhile, it seemed to have him pinned down fairly well. I started walking over the rubble of our latest battle towards him, already planning how best to go about gloating to my annoying, narcissistic, little prisoner.

I was about five feet away from him when the spell hit. It got me right by my collarbone, and seemed to trickle throughout my entire body, making it tingle strangely and feel both icy-cold and fiery-hot. I staggered slightly to keep from collapsing. My concentration lost, the chair became inanimate once again. Controlling furniture is hard work sometimes. Chairs in particular, are quite capable of reaching record levels of stubbornness. Though, I can't really blame them, it must really suck to come face to face with people's fat, smelly, asses on a daily basis.

_Fat, smelly, asses._ It was funny, really. I started to giggle. The spell was working its way under my skin now, it felt as though it was tickling my intestines. _Tickling my intestines!_ Haha, now _that_ was funny!

I was laughing uncontrollably now, rolling around on the floor, hardly caring that the broken shards of glass from our little 'crystal ball war' were pricking me everywhere, making miniscule cuts appear on every section of my exposed skin.

I watched, slightly curious, as Potter staggered to his feet. He was wearing what I vaguely recognized as a smug smirk upon his features. For some reason, I thought between giggles, this made me quite angry. No, not even just angry, livid. And I didn't know why.

I was confused. Hehe, confused, confuzzeled… some other funny word starting with con-….

I was laughing so hard, the whole world was spinning, until suddenly, something happened. "Hehehehehe…hic!"

I stopped laughing for a moment, I was so surprised. Thankfully, that moment was all my addled brains needed to remember I was supposed to be hexing James Potter, Gryffindor Quidditch captain and Head Boy extraordinaire, into oblivion.

I tried to stand up, but I was too dizzy, "What…hic…did…you…hic…do…hic…to…me?" I choked out, as I tried to pull myself to my feet.

He was looking at me like a bemused parent, and I found that patronizing stare to be nearly unbearable. On a hunch, I took a deep breath before springing to my feet, dizziness be damned, and barreling straight into the stupid git.

My hunch was right, as soon as we both hit the ground, his wand slipped out from between his fingers and the spell snapped off me like a rubber band.

I sat on top of Potter and struggled to pin him to the ground. With my free hand, I reached into my pocket to grab my wand and curse that stupid smile off Potter's ugly face, but found to my dismay that it wasn't there. I must have dropped it while I was rolling around on the ground.

_Oh well, _I thought, curling my hand into a fist, _I'll just have to do it the old fashioned way…_

_OUCH!!! _I hadn't realized punching Potters unnaturally thick skull would hurt so much. He didn't even looked fazed by the assault from my bony fist. Bloody wanker…

What happened next was a mad scramble of shoving, pinching and hair pulling. I was so disoriented by that time, I could barely tell it wasn't my own hair I was trying to rip out of his skull.

"I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!" I screamed like a child, pushing myself on top of Potter and trying to slap him in the face.

Of course I missed. He pushed me back to the ground and laughed. Pretentious, miserable, self-centered, egotistical, sonofabitch, candy-assed pygmy puff!

"WHAT!?" he sputtered in surprise.

Shit. I didn't mean to say that out loud.

"Shut up!" I screamed, fed up now. All I wanted to do was hurt him, but since I couldn't do that, I'd have to settle for a good verbal thrashing instead. "Why can't you ever just leave me alone and let me have a moments peace?! Every single second of my life I have to deal with you following me around like lost puppy dog! It's pathetic, you're pathetic! If you don't have the balls to get a girl, at least do the world a favor and buy yourself some dirty magazines or something! Seriously, you're like a banshee with PMS! I can't stand you!"

I swung at his face again, and this time I connected with a satisfying _slap!_

Potter recoiled from the blow, and suddenly the condescending smirk on his face was replaced by a dark scowl. I'd struck a nerve. Suddenly though, I wasn't so sure this was a good thing. "You think you know it all, don't you bitch?" He roared, his face red, his hands rough as they shoved me against the back wall, "You know nothing! You're just a silly, stuck up tightass, who's oh too perfect for the likes of me! Well, guess what Your Highness, I've got news for you!"

As he shouted, he started pushing me harder and harder against the wall, and for the first time that day, I was truly terrified. His eyes were narrow, his jaw set. His face sweaty and brick red, eyebrows dipped dangerously. He looked like a tiger about to pounce. Not the best metaphor, I know, but I was too scared to think of anything more creative at the time.

"You have no idea Lily!" he screamed, pushing me harder and grasping for my wrists, "What I could do to you if I wanted! I could take you, right here, right now, and you wouldn't be able to do anything to stop me!"

He'd managed to grab both my wrists, and now forced them to both sides of my body. I struggled to get away, to move anywhere but here, anywhere but pressed up against the wall, with his body moving closer and closer to mine…

It wasn't until his face was a mere inch away from me that he finally stopped. His breath was uneven, my heart was racing. Not from the unbelievable romanticism of the occasion, from fear.

He looked me right in the eye then, and I could have sworn in that moment that he looked just as scared as I did. But that might have just been my own terror reflected back at me.

He opened his mouth then, and I was sure he was going to try to kiss me. I began trying to gather saliva in my suddenly dry mouth to spit in his face.

But he didn't move any closer. He opened his mouth, and I stood there, paralyzed in shock as he said a few brief words. "I love you Lily. And I hate that I do. But I can't help the way I feel, and sooner or later, you're going to come down from that mile high bejeweled pedestal you've built for yourself, and realize that you need me just as much as I need you."

He loosened the pressure of my wrists. That was just about the time I parted my lips and spat on his miserable face.

As far as spitballs go, mine was pretty good considering the circumstances. He jumped away from me as though stunned, and I took that opportunity to grab his wand, which was lying on the floor by my foot, and point it at him threateningly.

When he realized I had his wand, he moved forward as thought to take it from me. I raised my hand and sent him my best death glare, which was a surefire way to send shivers coursing through even a hardened criminal's bones.

No words were needed. He froze.

Words can't describe what I was feeling at that point. I was so angry, red sparks were flying from the tip of Potter's wand, fizzing around in the air and singeing my fingers, and I didn't even care. I was beyond livid. Beyond confused. Beyond terrified. I was probably insane.

I only sat there, clutching Potter's wand so hard my knuckles had gone white, for about a second. Or at least that's what he tells me, for at the time it felt like infinitely more. Time didn't matter anyways though, all that mattered was me, the wand, and inflicting as much pain upon Potter as was humanly possible.

It's probably lucky Professor Sinstra caught us when she did. There's no telling what I might have done to Potter if I'd had the chance to point his wand and mutter a curse.

Anyways, that's what happened that day in the divination tower. Trust me, the story does get better, but first it gets infinitely worse.

* * *

_A/N: Yeah, the end got a little darker than I originally intended, but hey, the darker it gets, the brighter it'll be at the end of the tunnel. Or at least that's what I keep telling myself when the schoolwork starts to suffocate me. Anyway, thats it for now. Review if you like it, or if you hate, or if you don't really have a preferance but just feel like saying hi. _

_A/N2: To anyone reading Checkmate,_ _I'm about three-quarters done with the next chapter. I know it's taken FOREVER to get it up, and you've probably all abandoned or forgotten me by now, but I really am working on it. To tell you the truth, I just haven't been in a very light and fluffy mood lately, and it's hard to write humor when your muse is in a much darker place than you want it to be. But I'm not dead in a ditch somewhere, just in case you were wondering. _


	2. Sinistra's Plan

_A/N: Hey guys! I'm back with another update. It took longer than expected for me to get a chance to actually sit down and type this, but I finally did. We're having standardized state testing in school tomorrow, so the teachers aren't allowed to give us homework! Yes! I have to sit in my smelly gym for about three hours tomorrow and try to make sense of transcendentalist poetry and Shakespheare and crap, but at least I got a chance to update. It's a blessing in disguise. Or at least, that's how I'm trying to think of it. _

_Anywho, this is another short chapter. It felt kind of stand alone in my opinion. I'll get into some more LJ dynamics and interactions next chapter, but this chappie is just meant to spur the plot along. Hopefully its not too tedious. I tried to make it as amusing as possible. _

* * *

"Sit." I was told sternly before being shoved unceremoniously into a rather uncomfortable wooden chair.

Potter was seated beside me in much the same manner.

Every inch of my skin was aching from being impaled with glass shards. My hair was disheveled, my robes were torn. My limbs were still trembling from the intensity of Potters stare. And I didn't even care. I was so angry, I was about ready to explode. I sort of wished I would explode. At least then I'd be doing the world a favor by taking Potter with me to the grave.

I barely heard Professor Sinistra's stern lecture. My ears were still ringing with the sound of shouting, exploding spheres of glass, and the muffled crash of furniture as they split apart upon collision. I tried to rip my mind away from that perpetual battlefield, and back into the present, but it was hard. Every time I though I was about to surface, Potters cold, blank stare would fill my mind, and jerk me back into that terrifying moment in the divination tower. In the back of my mind, I knew it was nothing more than a rapidly fading memory, and yet still, those bottomless chestnut orbs eerily captivated me for some reason, such that I was loathe to do anything about it but shudder. Potter wasn't even looking at me now, as we sat in Professor Sinistra's office, and yet he still held some strange power over me. And I hated it.

"… So disappointed in both of you. Though especially you Ms. Evans… I can't believe you'd behave this way… This is the third time this has happened, do you two realize that?… I will not tolerate you two destroying this school with your frivolous arguments… Something simply has to be done."

I heard Professor Sinistra's voice as though listening to a badly tuned radio, from a room on the opposite end of the house. It was a struggle just to hear, let alone comprehend, her at all. Her voice fluctuated in and out of my mind, and I barely had time to make sense of her initial words before more flowed in, and pushed the old ones right back out.

And if I thought that was madness, I was I for an even bigger surprise.

Before I knew what was happening, Professor Sinistra was telling us to stand up, and then leading us out of her office through a small doorway in the back, hidden behind a tapestry depicting the galaxy. It opened up to a long, winding hallway with no windows or doors. Professor Sinistra instructed us to walk, and followed behind us, a stony look upon her features.

I felt as though she were leading us to the gallows.

We walked and walked. The passageway gradually sloped upwards, and curved perpetually to the right. I had a feeling it probably curved around one of the towers of the castle. _Maybe we weren't going to gallows after all. Maybe she was simply going to push us off a tower on the seventh floor and let gravity do the dirty work._ Incidentally, this thought did nothing to calm the growing knot of anxiety I felt forming somewhere in my stomach.

Eventually though, the passageway did come to an end. Potter and I walked up to a large wooden door, and pushed it open to find ourselves standing on top of one of the tallest towers in the castle, and incidentally, the one in which Professor Sinistra taught our Astronomy class every Wednesday. Professor Sinistra followed behind us, pushing up her sleeves and pulling out her wand. Things were getting weirder by the minute…

She stood us in the center of the tower, side by side. I glanced sideways and saw Potter looking at me with the same confused expression I was sure was plastered upon my features. I was about to ask her what the hell she was planning on doing to us, but Potter beat me to it. "Er- Professor…" He asked hesitantly.

_Geesh_, I thought, _Potter's actually bothering to be polite?_ He must have been just as wierded out as I was.

Professor Sinistra conveniently ignored this comment however. Potter looked like he was about to try again, but at just that moment Professor Sinistra raised her wand and pointed it at us, and that effectively shut him up. Trust me, there's nothing like an angry teacher brandishing a wand to motivate you to keep your tongue in check.

Professor Sinistra took in a sharp breath before speaking, "Alright you two, I'm sorry it's come to this, but I promised myself I'd give it a try if I found you fighting again. So don't blame me, blame yourselves. Hopefully this'll teach you to be a bit more civilized in the future. If not, well, it was worth a try, and don't forget, you do deserve this. Please hold hands for a moment."

I raised an eyebrow and Professor Sinistra glared. Potter quickly clasped my hand. Within seconds, she was raising her wand to my face and muttering a curse…

/-o0o-/

"I told you!" I hissed, "Don't touch me!"

"Well _excuse me_," I heard Potter's annoyingly sardonic voice somewhere to my left, "For trying to help the handicapped person down the stairs. Merlin Lily, how dare I put my hand on your shoulder so your don't fall down three flights of stairs and bash you skull on solid granite!"

Before I could help myself, I snorted. You have to admit, it was a brilliant display of sarcasm. However, I couldn't have Potter think I actually found hisjoke even mildly amusing, so I quickly snapped, "I'm perfectly capable of walking down stairs on my own, thanks. And you couldn't care less if I snapped my neck or not, all you want is for me to hurry up so you don't miss your precious lunch hour."

I hadn't meant for my words to come out so bitterly, but they nevertheless served their purpose. I felt Potters hand leave my shoulder as I continued my slow descent down the astronomy tower stairs.

We didn't talk the rest of the way down. I thought I heard Potter mutter something along the lines of, "Just trying to help," but I was too preoccupied with gripping the handrail so tightly I was sure my knuckles must have gone white, and taking careful, meticulous step, after careful, meticulous step down the stairs.

You're probably fairly confused as to what the hell is going on at this point, huh? To be honest, so am I. I'll try to explain what I can.

Before we left the tower, Professor Sinistra put a spell on both of us. The instant she pointed her wand and muttered her spell, everything went black. I started screaming and swiping at everything in the vicinity. Professor Sinistra grabbed my arms so I wouldn't hurt Potter, and calmly told me she'd taken my vision. Although I think her intent was to calm me, this did nothing but incense my temper. I pulled a five-year-old and kicked her as hard as I possibly could in what I hoped was her shins. My toes were still sort of sore, I hate to think what her shins must look like.

After much gasping in pain and a bit of restrain on Potters part. Professor Sinistra assured me that the blindness was only temporary, and would cease at midnight tonight. All she'd wanted to do was give us an opportunity to 'trust' each other. Merlin, I'd almost gagged when I heard that sinful word. Me? Trust Potter? Fat chance.

Anyways, apparently I needed to learn to depend on someone else, and Potter needed to learn to be more attentive, or some shitty excuse like that. She'd put a spell on us that would force Potter to stay within five feet of me at all times (Though he got to keep his vision at least, lucky bastard) and force me to go about life for a day with no sight. I somehow failed to see how that would accomplish anything more than torture on my part, but didn't really get a chance to ask. After the whole 'shin-kicking shenanigan' Professor Sinistra seemed to be in quite a hurry to kick us out of the tower. She steered us in the direction of the staircase we usually came to class by and instructed us to come back up here at midnight to see her before the spell broke. Then she all but shoved us out of the tower and was on her merry way. Ho-hum…

So that's where I was now. Walking down three flights of stairs at the speed of snail, listening to Potter grumbling and muttering a string of profanities he thought I couldn't hear. I would have reminded him that I was blind, not _deaf_, but I figured twelve hours left us plenty of time to rub off on each others nerves, and anyways, the stairs didn't seem like the safest place at that point to start another row.

* * *

_A/N: Yes, I know. It's a very cliche plotline. But I just got to thinking about all the endless comedic, as well as character driven possibilities it presents, and I couldn't help myself. Hopefully you guys will forgive my corniness. If anyone read my authors note at the beginning of the fic, you probably had an inkling this was coming anyhow. _


	3. Truce?

__

A/N: Alright, so here's the next chapter. You don't really have to know much about it except that it took me much longer than usual to write this chapter, proably because it covers some pretty important issues with the LJ relationship. The last part is probably going to seem melodramatic to you, so sorry in advance, I just wanted to get across how confused and scared Lily is feeling right now, I hope I didn't go too over the top... Anyways though, because this capter took forever, and I worked really hard on it, I'd really appreciate your honest opinion about it. I didn't work so hard on it for you guys to lie to me. If there's something you guys want to comment on, don't hesitate to do that.

* * *

"Where are we going?" I asked for about the tenth time in the past minute.

"You'll know it when we get there." James replied, his standard answer.

I grit my teeth together and kept walking. "NO! Wait, stop Lily!" James cried. "Turn left… no, not that far left… more to the right… there, perfect, go straight."

I sighed. Potter had tried to guide me with his hand on numerous occasions, and each time I had refused to let him. It probably would be easier to walk to wherever the hell he was taking me if I'd just let him touch my shoulder already, but I found I just couldn't do it. Every time he'd tried to touch me on the stairs I had flinched so badly I'd almost fallen over and snapped my neck. I guess it was still the aftershock of our argument. I couldn't stop picturing that intense look on his face when he pinned me up against the wall. Most likely because I had nothing better to picture, seeing as Professor Sinistra had temporarily stolen that cavity of my brain. Stupid, bloody teacher.

"Stop Lily!" Potter cried frantically, "Ok. Now turn about 45 degrees to the left. There you go. Good. Now go straight."

I walked straight for about ten meters. "Stop!" James said again, quite loudly I might add.

"I'm blind, not deaf, moron." I stated coyly.

"Fine. Whatever. Turn right about say, 75 degrees or so…"

"75 degrees?" I asked bluntly, "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Hey, you're the one in Arithmancy. You do the math." James grumbled, his voice seemed to be coming from behind me. Great. I was standing in the middle of the hallway talking to thin air while Potter stood behind me and checked out my ass. Just bloody brilliant.

"Hello, blind here." I said, my standard sarcastic response. I must have reiterated that phrase half a dozen times by now.

"Just go forward till you hit the wall then, if you're so bloody smart." James said bitterly, "Hope you don't mind getting a bunch of half chewed pieces of gum stuck in your hair…"

"There's no gum on the school walls. Filch makes you and your idiot friends clean them every time you decide to blow something up."

"Alright. I was bluffing. Just turn right till I say stop…Stop!"

I would have rolled her eyes if I could see straight. "Again not…"

"Deaf, yeah I get it. Onward!"

"Onward? Who says onward?"

I could almost see Potter shaking his head in frustration. "I do. Ok? Now just move. Unless you'd rather stand here all day talking to a wall."

"I wouldn't be talking to a wall, because I'm talking to you… Which really, when you think about it, isn't that much of an improvement." I said, trying to suppress a smile but not entirely succeeding. I'll say one thing for being blind, it certainly wasn't hindering my ability to come up with witty comebacks.

James chuckled humorlessly, "Very funny. Now turn just a slight bit to the left and keep walking. We're almost there."

Sighing, I did as told. I felt like a bloody dog. All I needed was a friggin leash and a flea collar.

/-o0o-/

"Stop! Alright, we're here!" James said triumphantly, about ten minutes later.

_Almost there, my arse._

"Where?" I asked, exasperatedly.

"You'll see…" Said Potter, in what was undoubtedly supposed to be a mysterious sounding voice. However, he only managed to sound breathless.

I didn't bother to tell him I wouldn't be seeing much of anything. That joke was getting old already, and I'd been blind less than an hour.

I stood still and heard Potters footsteps walking around me. Then I heard a muffled giggling sound, followed by the sound of a door scraping against the floor. _Huh…?_

"Alright. Forward."

I took a few tentative steps through what I assumed must be a doorway, and was immediately hit by one of the most wonderful smells I'd smelled in my entire life. It was overwhelming, it was delicious, it was magnificent, it was… intoxicating. Chocolate chip cookies and fudge brownies, apple pies and blueberry muffins. Roasted chicken and home baked gravy, cornbread and mashed potatoes… I had absolutely no clue how I was able to pinpoint and recognize all these smells, all I knew was that these various odors were all wafting about the room, mixing and melding together and creating the most glorious aroma I'd smelt in a long, long time…

"Wow…" I said, inhaling deeply.

I knew where we were alright, it could be no place else. We were in the Hogwarts kitchens.

_Wait, the kitchens?!_

"You brought me to the kitchens you moron! That's forbidden! We're already in enough trouble as it is, do you _want _to get expelled?!" I screamed.

I heard a loud crash in the distant. Several more followed.

"Er, Lily… You're kinda freaking out the house elves…" James muttered into my right ear.

_House Elves…? _Now I was really confused.

"House elves?" I asked aloud.

Then I heard it. I'm guessing about a dozen sets of scampering feet scrabbling over towards us. "Missus Evans, Mister Potter!" They squealed in surprisingly high-pitched voices.

Then, quite abruptly, the scrambling stopped. They seemed to be standing before us.

"How can we serve you today? The usual, Mr. Potter?" Asked one elf, with a particularly nasally voice.

"Yes. Definitely. Thanks Max." Said Potter.

"You come here often?" I asked, half curious, half scandalized.

The scandalized part must have shown in my face.

"Relax Evans," Said Potter lazily, his voice seeming to come from somewhere farther right now, "I haven't set the place on fire yet, have I?"

"That's not proof that you never will." I muttered, turning and walking towards where I thought I'd heard his voice. I bumped into what I assumed to be a table, and felt a bit of pressure on my shoulder. I couldn't help it. I flinched.

Instantly, the pressure receded. "Sorry Lily, I forgot." James mumbled. The sound of his voice was coming from above me now, I was sure of it.

"You're standing in front of the counter," Potter said, as though reading my mind, "Do you think you can climb up? That way we won't be in their way."

I could only assumed that 'their' meant the house elves. Nodding, I grasped what I supposed must have been the top of the counter and began to pull myself up.

I managed to use my arms to hoist my body into the air, but I still wasn't high enough to swing my legs over the counter. I reached my hand out blindly, frantically searching for anything to grasp onto, and my hand found something warm and soft. I didn't hesitate to grasp onto it and use it as leverage to scramble on up. It wasn't till I had finally made it to the top of the counter, and was sitting there safely, my legs dangling off the edge, that I realized what I must be holding- Potters hand.

I promptly dropped it.

He sniggered. _Bloody git._

It wasn't long before the house elves were shoving piles of food up onto the counter, much to Potter's delight.

"Mmmm, twwwy a bwiscwit Lwlily…" he managed to utter through mouthfuls of food.

I rearranged my features into what I hoped was a disgusted look.

He tried to shove a piece of whatever the hell he was eating into my mouth anyways.

"Ugh! Potter, get that out of my face!" I cried, dismayed.

He'd stuck some kind of food under my nose, and I found that the combination of having absolutely no clue what that food was, and not trusting Potter as far as I could throw him (Which wasn't far, trust me I'd tried) quite ruined my appetite. "I'm not hungry, and I'm certainly not eating out of your hand like a bloody pigeon, so just forget it." I snapped.

He must have pulled the food out from under my nose, because I couldn't feel or smell it any more. "Don't you trust me Lils?" He asked teasingly.

The combination of the stupid question and his use of my nicknames greatly irked me, not that I wasn't sufficiently annoyed before. "Of course not, idiot. And don't call me Lils." I said curtly.

"Why not?"

I wasn't sure which statement he was addressing, so I decided to answer both of them, "Because you are a miserable, untrustworthy little slime-ball, and because only my friends are allowed to call me Lils, and you are certainly not one of them."

"Oh." He said. If I didn't know better, I'd say his voice sounded a tad bit dejected.

I listened to him noisily scoff down several more mouthfuls of food, all the while gritting my teeth.

There were so many things I'd wanted to tell Potter all these years. Unfortunately, I'd never really been able to get in more than the odd insult or two before the wands came out and things got far less verbal and much more physical. And it wasn't as if we ever really _talked_ or anything. I mean, the most civilized encounters I'd had with Potter all year usually involved him asking me out with some kind of derogatory pick-up line, and me comparing him to a flobberworm with melanoma or some such. We weren't exactly on what you'd call 'friendly terms'.

And yet here we were now, stuck together for the next eleven hours. This would have been the perfect time to tell him exactly what I thought about him, shout out every insult that had ever so much as occurred to me while in his presence. Hell, I could've even alphabetized those insults if I'd wanted too.

But I didn't. Something stopped me. Something in the way he'd treated me that day. Pushed me, shoved me, griped me harder and harder. It wasn't that our fights had never become physical before, because they had, but today was different. Today, he'd looked at me with cold, hard eyes, he'd spoken to me in harsh, serious tones. Today there was nothing even remotely teasing or trivial about his intense words and actions. Today, and I hated to admit this, even to myself; today I was scared of him. I was sitting there completely at his mercy, and I was bloody terrified.

However, that wouldn't stop me from being my usual sarcastic self. I mean, this is Potter we're talking about after all, it's impossible to sit in his company for too long without insulting him.

"You eat like a starving hippogriff." I blurted out.

I could almost feel his eyes boring into my skull, "Excuse me?" He asked in mock politeness, "Was that supposed to be an insult?"

I mentally berated myself. _Starving hippogriff?_ My sister could come up with a more creative insult, and let me tell you, she isn't exactly the brightest apple on the tree. Most of her insults centered around the phrase 'freak', 'freakish freak', 'freaky freakzoid' or some other variation thereof.

"Yeah well," I said, because I had to say something, "I'd like to see you do better."

"Alright," Potter said glibly, "How about I eat like a Hungarian horntail with a tape worm? Or, better yet, a hag with self-esteem issues?"

"All hags have self-esteem issues." I stated, a slight smile tugging at the corner of my lips for some reason. "Comes with the territory of, y' know, having excess facial hair and constantly smelling like a toxic waste dump."

"Ah, the plight of the ugly…" James sighed theatrically, "Good thing we both have relatively attractive faces and easy access to soap."

I wasn't really quite sure what to say to that. I guess I could have made up some kind of witty remark about how somehow I doubted Potter had ever been properly introduced to a bar of soap in his life, but honestly, I wasn't in the mood to argue right about then. It was too easy just talking.

"How about, you eat like a pregnant, severely hormonal giantess?"

"Good one." Potter acknowledged, "Or a three headed dog in a pie-eating contest?"

"A bulimic thestral?"

"Slughorn at an all you can eat crystallized pineapple buffet?"

"A sphinx at the Start of Term Feast?"

"The sphinx'd be eating the people? Right?"

"Of course."

"So there we have it," Said Potter, "I eat like a pregnant, self-conscious, bulimic dragon with three heads and a tape worm who's addicted to crystallized pineapple."

He said it all very quickly, and in a simple, matter-of-factly voice one might use when discussing nothing more controversial than today's weather.

"Well, when you say it like that…" I managed to blurt out sardonically before we both burst into laughter.

I don't know why we were laughing really. It wasn't even that funny. A first year would have thought it was funny maybe, but not us. And yet, here we were, two mature- scratch that- one mature and one primal, seventh years, sitting together in the Hogwarts kitchen, clutching our sides and laughing hysterically.

Potter must have put another spell on me. He really must have.

I don't know, I think it was just out of pure relief that I was laughing so hard. The last hour had been unsparingly tense, it felt good to just laugh for the sake of it. To laugh and snort, and giggle and chortle, and maybe forget for awhile that I was stuck with this insufferable moron for the next eleven hours. To forget that I couldn't see. And, most importantly, to forget that Potter could.

Because, as I was laughing, a thought had occurred to me. Just because I couldn't see him, didn't mean Potter couldn't see me. It was rather simplistic really, five-year old logic, but for some reason all this while I'd been suspecting that being blind somehow protected me. As though I had some kind of 'get-out-of-jail-free card' just because I was handicapped. As though, because I was literally helpless, Potter wouldn't dare follow through with his threats in the divination tower. As though I _wasn't _at his mercy, just because, plain and simple, I was.

In other words, I had only just realized the real reason why Potter had brought me to the Hogwarts kitchens.

Not because the food was delicious.

Not because the smell was so alluring.

But because we were alone. Completely and utterly. And I was as helpless as one of those poor, brain-washed house elves.

I promptly stopped laughing.

Potter didn't notice of course. He was too worked up from his 'hilarious' joke. I swear to Merlin, that kid'd probably crack up at a funeral if someone in the procession so much as farted. That's how mature he was.

I just sat there, stiff as a statue, and tried not to let my mind drift to any manner of sick, twisted, fantasy's Potter could possibly have about me. I mean, sure he was obsessed with me, and sure, he'd been asking me out relentlessly since the third year, and yes, I had once caught him in my dormitory going through my underwear (smelling them no less), and yeah, he did follow me and my friends around an awful lot, and he even had that stupid invisibility cloak he thought entitled him to follow me into the girls bathroom and listen in when I decided to strike up a purposefully loud conversation about menstrual cycles and such, but still, I mean, that didn't make him a pervert, right?

Merlin's pants. I was screwed.

And then I started thinking about the divination tower again. His cold, bottomless pits of eyes were pulling me in, drowning me in their depths, echoing against the cavities of my brain…

God, when did I become so melodramatic and metaphorical?

There wasn't anything fishy going on here, really. We were just two kids sitting here in the last pace on earth anyone would expect to find us. One blind, and one harboring an obsession for the other. And that day at the divination tower hadn't been any different either really. Potter had just screamed at me, shoved me against the wall, pulled my wrists to my sides, rendered me powerless and threatened to rape me because he thought it would be funny. Like one of those practical jokes he was constantly playing on people. Funny. Haha.

He was still laughing. I tried to join him. This was just a joke. It couldn't be happening. I wasn't really stuck here, with no sight, with the one person in the world who had something seriously against me.

It wasn't happening. It couldn't be. It was just a joke. I opened my mouth to join in Potter raucous chorus. To laugh it all away like I'd done just moments before.

The only sound that came out was a strangled sob.

Potter's laughter died instantly.

"Lily…" he asked hesitantly.

Tears were prickling at my eyes. Bloody tears. I wasn't even scared. I swear to Merlin I wasn't.

I felt a hand grip my shoulder.

I flinched so badly I almost fell from the counter. Then I curled up into a little ball, tucking my knees in, putting my head down, and wrapping my arms protectively around myself.

Scratch that. I was bloody petrified.

"Lily…" He reiterated, his voice seeming to come from afar. Like the insistent coo of birds in early morning, or the gentle rumble of thunder in the distance, "Lily…Lily…Lily…"

I couldn't take it. I hated the way he kept saying my name. All soft and gentle like. Like he were trying to help me. Like he were my friend.

I raised my elbows to cover my ears an block out the sound.

It worked. I couldn't hear, or see, anything. I was all alone at last. I almost had time to heave a deep sigh of relief.

But then Potter's hands were back to gripping my shoulders, shaking me this time. Shaking me desperately, roughly, the way he'd done that morning at the divination tower. It was too much. I snapped.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" I hollered, snatching at air to find his arms and pry them off.

As it turns out, I didn't have too. As soon as I screamed, Potter withdrew his hands from my shoulders as though he'd been burned. Somehow, I always knew he would.

I could picture the look on his face. Shocked, confused, maybe even a little scared.

But I didn't really care what he looked like. All I knew was that suddenly, my old fury at him had returned. I hated him with a fiery, smoldering, white-hot, burning passion.

I hated how weak he made me feel. I hated how terrified I was at him. I hated that he probably knew it too. I hated him. Plain and simple. I wanted to curse him to hell, and then back again, just so I could do it a second time. I suddenly didn't care that I couldn't see straight, and would most likely set the entire school on fire. All I wanted to do was make Potter hurt, and be terrified. As terrified as I was.

I started digging around in my robes for my wand.

For the second time that day, it wasn't there.

"I took it Lily." Potter said calmly.

He was still right next to me, the bloody git. I sent an icy glare in what I hoped was his general direction.

"I-I didn't want you to end up hurting yourself with it…" Potter stuttered.

I could have laughed then. It was that funny. "You didn't want _me _to hurt _me._" I sneered.

"Er- yeah, that's right," Said Potter, sounding utterly perplexed.

"Awww…that's sweet." I said dryly, though my voice was sort of trembling, "You care so much about me you're keeping me safe. Till what, you're ready to take me? Here and now? Pure and unblemished?"

"Uhhhh…" Said Potter. He was obviously confused. I found that kind of bugged me. I'd have to make my next sentence plain and simple.

"It's not me you're worried about git!" I said, my voice gaining in volume now, though still on the edge of hysteria, "You're just worried I'll hex your nads off when you decide to shove me up against one of these refrigerators!"

And then there was silence. Tears still prickled my eyes. Though this time these were angry tears. Perhaps mingled with fear. Not the other way around.

A plate dropped at the far side of the kitchen and broke the lull of silence.

I could almost feel Potters eyes boring into my skull as he spoke his next remark, "You really think… You really think I'd hurt you…"

"I don't think." I said, my voice more steady now. "I know."

There would have been silence following this confession, but I could hear the house elves pattering feet and muttered curses as they scrambled to collect the pieces of the broken platter.

Then, I heard Potters voice. Flat and emotionless. "You're wrong."

But I wasn't. And he knew it. He didn't even have the dignity to tell the truth. I would have spat on his miserable face again if I knew where to aim.

"You're a bloody rotten liar," I said, telling him as much.

"I'm not," he denied again.

I heard his robe swish as he went to touch me again, but I flinched out of the way. I heard Potters teeth clench in frustration, "Why are you afraid of me Lily? I wouldn't hurt you. I love you. You know that."

I took in a sharp intake of breath. There, he'd done it. He'd played the love card. But that was just another lie. What Potter had was not simply an infatuation with me, it was an obsession. That wasn't love, it was insanity.

"You don't love me." I stated, trying, and failing, to keep my voice steady.

"I do." Said Potter, as solemnly as one might take a wedding vow. "I love you Lily. I would never hurt you."

He said it so calmly. So serenely, so positively. All of a sudden, I couldn't listen to the lies anymore. I couldn't take it. I snapped.

"Of course you would!" I screamed, "Do you think I'm stupid!? Do you think I'm deaf!? You shoved me against a wall and threatened to rape me! Of course I'm scared of you! I'm bloody terrified!"

I heard Potter scoot back from me as though my words had been a physical blow. I would have smirked, but I was too far gone for that. And I wasn't even finished yet, "And now here we are!" I continued, half sobbing, half screaming, "Down here in the kitchens, all alone, and you're still playing games with me! I'm sick of it, honestly! I'm sick of sitting here and being terrified! So why don't you just get on with it already! You know you will! So stop playing with your food like a bloody toddler and get on with it!"

"Lily…I…" Potter uttered, this seemed to be his default phrase.

I didn't want to hear it, "Shut up! Alright!? Just shut up! Stop trying to tell me you won't do it! I know you will! I know you! You are greedy, and selfish, and vile and cruel… You are your bloody friends don't hesitate a second when you spot some poor soul you can hurt! So why should it be any different with me!? You've made my life miserable this long! Why not just finish the bloody job!?"

I was just drawing breath for my next rant, but Potter cut me off. He wasn't screaming, but his words carried the harsh edge of someone on the verge of losing their temper, "_I'm _the one who wouldn't hesitate to hurt you, Lily…" He said, his voice surprisingly even, though with an undertone of malice, "_I _wasn't the one who punched me. _I _wasn't the one who called me a pathetic dog with no balls and then slapped me across the face. So yeah, I did get angry at you. And yeah, I did want to scare you a little. But I would never, ever, do that to anyone Lily, especially you. If you really did know me, you would know that."

I lowered my voice to meet his, "Then if you're such a gentlemen," I said, "Why don't you prove it?"

"I will." He said, his voice close to my ear now, making me inwardly shiver, "But first you have to understand something Lily. Will you listen?"

Did I really have a choice? I'd already yelled myself hoarse.

"I'm in love with you… Stop shaking your head like that, we both know it's true. And I'm not such a pathetic excuse for a man that I can't admit it. That doesn't mean I like it. That doesn't mean I enjoy, day after day, getting turned down, over and over again, by you. Constantly putting my heart on the line, and then having you kick it to the ground and trample it. So today, maybe, for just once, I wanted you to experience how terrified I am, every single time I come up to you to ask you on a date. How certain I am that you'll hurt me, and yet how useless I am to avoid that fate. I can't say I'm sorry for what I did to you today Lily. You deserved a healthy dose of your own medicine."

His words were like an icy dagger through my heart. I wanted so desperately, in that moment, to believe him, but how could I? I'd seen the way he looked at me. With intensity, with longing, and then, perhaps, with just the smallest dose of…fear?

I'd never thought of it this way. I'd never thought of him as the victim. Though at the time, I wanted to believe it was the truth. Maybe I was the monster? Maybe I really did have nothing to fear?

I was so confused, and so upset, and I didn't know what to do or say. So all I did was this. I raised my trembling hand into the air and said, "Truce…?"

Without a word, Potter took it.

* * *

_A/N: I know the ending was a little abrupt there, but trust me, this argument is far from over. I just had to stop it somewhere for now because this chapter was getting fairly long. _

_A/N2: Happy Easter to all you Christians out there! If not, then happy spring! If I were to update by tomorrow it would be nothing short of a miracle, and since I'm not the son of God, I just figured I'd get my holiday wishes out early. _


	4. Insincere Apologies

_Disclaimer: If I were J. K. Rowling wouldn't have to bother writing one of these stupid things. Caphice?_

_A/N: Hey guys, sorry it's been so long. I went on vacation for a week, and then when I got back I would have loved to sit down at my computer and chill with Lily and James, but unfortunately I had an astronomically large pile of homework to finish first, and then, well, a pesky little thing called life to deal with. So anyway, again, sorry this took awhile, hopefully it's worth the wait. It's another one of those chapters that was getting way too long for me, so I've decided to split it into to parts. Don't worry though, the next chapter will pick up right where the last one leaves off, so you won't miss anything. Also, I decided to throw James POV into the mix about halfway thru. I thought he would be harder to write than Lily, but his POV was actually surprisingly fun. So let me know how you like his POV especially, because I wouldn't be averse to throwing him into the mix more often if you want me to. Anyways, I'll shut up now. Happy reading!_

* * *

After our little shouting match in the kitchens, the house elves were quite eager to see the last of us. I let Potter take my hands as I jumped down from the counter, but otherwise enlisted none of his help to stumble my way out of the kitchens and into the hallway.

The hallways were still empty by the time we exited the kitchens. For that, I was very thankful. I didn't even want to think about the looks my friends would be giving me if they were to see me stumbling around blindly, with bloody James Potter in tow, no less.

And then, for the second time that day, a sudden realization hit. Today was Monday. I had class!

"Potter!" I cried frantically, "What time is it!?"

"Uhhh…" Said James stupidly, taking his sweet time checking his bloody watch, "1:05, why?"

"Why…why?!" I said, my voice coming out more panicked tan intended, "We're late for transfiguration! That's why! Mcgonagall's going to kill us! I might miss something important! She might never teach it again, and then it'll be on one of our NEWTS tests, and I'll fail it! And then… and then…"

"Evans!" Said Potter sternly, "Breathe."

I took a deep breath and realized I'd been holding my breath the whole time I was flipping out about missing class. I was hyperventilating about missing class… wow. Even I'm not that much of a goody two-shoes. This spell was seriously messing with me.

We stood there awkwardly for a few seconds. Well, at least I can only assume it was awkward. I couldn't see Potter's stance obviously, but I was feeling pretty uncomfortable.

"Er-" Said Potter, "So, uhhh, do you want to go to class?"

Instantly, alarms went off in my head. _No. No! Hell no! _My mind was screaming.

I did _not _want my friends and classmates to see me like this.

But all I said was, "I don't think that's a good idea."

There was silence. Then Potter cleared his throat uncomfortably and said, "Er- yeah, you're probably right."

I imagined he must have nodded in agreement and then remembered I couldn't actually see him.

"So," I said, "Uh, what should we do? I don't want to get in trouble for cutting class, but er- I don't actually want to go."

Potter seemed to mull it over. I thought about it for a second too. An idea was forming in my mind. I mean, we'd already broken enough school rules already, if Potter was just up for a little white lie…

"Well," said Potter, "I could just go into class for a second, and lie and say you were sick or something."

Merlin, it was like he read my mind. This was seriously creepy. "Er- yeah, I guess…" I said, "It's not like we've got anything to lose."

"Exactly." Said Potter, "I'll just tell Mcgonagall you're in the Hospital Wing vomiting leeches or something, she'll have to let you down easy…"

I glared.

"Ok, so no leeches…"

/-o0o-/

Mercifully, Potter came up with a better excuse than leech puke by the time we made our way to Mcgonagall's room.

Unfortunately, it was only slightly better.

"Lily's in the Hospital Wing Professor," I heard him say, from my position pressed against the wall outside the classroom, so Potter could move at least five feet inside, "She er- she fell into a hippilio shrub and it gave her a horrible burning rash all over her body that Madame Pomfrey is still trying to clear up. It'll probably be a long time before she's cured. Possibly even all day. She won't be making it to class today."

I heard Professor Mcgonagall clear her throat, "Alright, thank you for telling me Mr. Potter, I'll excuse you for being late for the day. Please, take your seat now and open your textbook to page 83."

I bit my lip. This was not part of the plan. We hadn't even stopped to consider what would happen after Potter got me out of class. We never even bothered to think of an excuse for him. And honestly, why wouldn't Mcgonagall expect James to stay in class after delivering his news? It was no secret that I hated him. It wasn't like he could use mourning at my bedside as an excuse. We should have predicted this would happen. _Stupid, stupid, stupid…_

"I er- I can't Professor…" James stuttered.

I breathed in sharply. This was it, this was the point where Potter was going to tell her the truth, and she'd come out and drag me into the classroom to my complete and utter mortification.

But he didn't. I'll say this about James; he may be a bloody awful liar, but that doesn't mean he's afraid to try.

"I-I have to go and speak with the er- the headmaster…" James said quickly.

"Oh really?" I heard Mcgonagall answer skeptically, "What for?"

"Uhhh, I uhhh, have to attend, an er- sexual harassment seminar." James invented wildly, "See, I um, I was the one who pushed Lily into the bush, because, well, I was trying to er- touch her, ummm, inappropriately, and that's, ummm, not right, so she stepped back and sort of, fell in…"

I could almost sense Professor Mcgonagall raising her eyebrow in reproving skepticism.

I held my breath as I awaited her verdict.

"Well…" She said airily, "I suppose you'll just have to make this class up some other time. After school, perhaps. And in that case I'll also have to dock off ten points for being late, and another ten plus detention if you don't bother to show up after dinner tomorrow to copy down today's notes. But other than that, Mr. Potter… You're free to go."

I let out the breath I'd been holding. _Phew…_ That was a close call. I could almost picture Mcgonagall's stern look of disapproval as she dismissed Potter from class. Her eyebrows would be dipped dangerously, her eyes cold and hard as stone, her lips pursed together so tightly one might be afraid she might suffocate herself… Suddenly, I felt a pang of something like pity stirring inside me for Potter's current predicament. Hmmm, odd…

A few seconds later I heard the door close, and Potter was by my side once again. "Well, that went well," He said irritably.

I grunted. Yes- I, Lily Evans, grunted. What else was I supposed to do? He'd just blatantly lied to Professor Mcgonagall's face so that I wouldn't have to come into class and be humiliated. I mean sure, he lied on a regular basis as is, so it's not like he dried up his well of morality for me or anything. And really, he didn't get off too badly. Coming after class to copy some missed notes? Definitely not the worse punishment Potter had managed to procure in his time at Hogwarts. And yeah, I guess he could have just told Mcgonagall the truth and gotten off scoff free, but… but…

He didn't. He lied. For me. I guess, in some strange, twisted way, there was at least the smallest shred of decency in that. I couldn't rightly mock him for what had just happened, not when what he had done for me was not only selfless, but, and I hated to even think this- just the tiniest bit sweet.

I shuddered. James Potter? Sweet? Maybe Professor Trelawney's predictions about an upcoming apocalypse weren't so far off after all.

/-o0o-/

**JPOV:**

"Ouch!"

I flinched and withdrew my hand quickly. "I'm sorry Lily, I didn't mean-"

"It's ok." She said, cutting across my hasty apology. "It just stings a little, that's all."

I nodded to no on in particular. "Yeah, that's normal. I'm sorry about it though, it must make it worse not being able to see."

She nodded at a nearby toilet. I supposed that must've meant she agreed with me.

"Don't worry though Lils, I'll get this done as quickly as possible. It won't take long."

She nodded again. Then, almost as a halfhearted afterthought, "Don't call me Lils."

I sighed but didn't respond. Instead I raised the small tube of antiseptic, and continued applying it to her cuts.

We were in the Prefects bathroom on the fifth floor. I figured that way there'd be no chance of anyone walking in on us, and it was also quite convenient because in the back cabinet, located amongst a load of old shampoos and conditioners that everyone was too wary to bother touching, let alone using, I'd hidden a small first aid kit. It was there primarily for mornings after the full moon, when either Sirius or I had sustained any kind of injury that we couldn't rightly report to Madame Pomfrey, but I figured it would be appropriate to use here as well.

As long as Lily didn't think to ask where I got all the antiseptic and bandages, I'd be all set.

It really pained me to say this too, but man, did she need them.

I hadn't thought much of it at the time when she was rolling around on the floor, laughing her ass off, but at the same time getting impaled by thousands of shards of glass. I'd seen her unconscious winces, and the little spots of blood, spurting from her pale, creamy, skin, sure, but at the time I was so furious at her for nearly braking my rib cage with that damn chair, that I was almost glad to see her in pain.

Glad to see her in pain. I almost gagged at the thought. I couldn't believe I'd even so much as thought that about the girl I loved.

And yet the worst part was, it was perfectly true.

Lily was right. I was a monster. I'd sat there and watched her uncontrollable laughter with a smile on my face. I'd shoved her against that wall with such determination that she was still reeling from it, two hours later. I'd been so selfish and inconsiderate that I didn't even think to stop by the bathroom earlier than just now, such was my haste to fill my stomach with a bunch of unhealthy crap. I'd almost walked Lily into walls more times than I cared to admit. I'd made her cry. Lily Evans. Cry.

And it was all my fault.

It didn't matter how I tried to shape it. She certainly wasn't the monster.

I was.

It was as I was pulling up her left sleeve, preparing to wash her arm off before I applied the antiseptic and band aides, that these realizations hit.

I looked down at her blood flecked arm; so delicate, so beautiful, and yet so terrible, all at the same time…

And suddenly, all I could think of was her words from before. Not her screams, not her sobs, but her sarcastic, bitter remark from earlier. I'd asked her, jokingly, _"Don't you trust me Lils?"_

And she'd said, dryly, _"Of course not, idiot. And don't call me Lils."_

_"Why not?" _I'd asked.

And she'd replied, _"Because you are a miserable, untrustworthy little slime-ball, and because only my friends are allowed to call me Lils, and you are certainly not one of them." _

At the time I'd been struck by how harsh her accusations sounded.

Now, I was starting to think she hadn't been harsh enough.

She winced again as I began applying the antiseptic to her arm. I watched her face as it screwed up in pain and surprise, and then settled again. She was like a little puppy that had just gotten it's tail stepped on, and the sight of her contorted face just about broke my heart.

I had to say something. I couldn't simply sit there and be the source of her pain any longer. I opened my mouth, not quite sure what to say, but still determined to at least _try _to form a coherent thought, "Look, Lily," I began.

She moved her head to look in my general direction. She'd been getting much better at responding to and identifying sound over the past hour, I'll give her that.

"Yeah?" She asked expectantly.

I put the antiseptic down for now. "Er-" I started stupidly, "About what I said earlier, when we were fighting-"

She cut me off quickly, "I don't want to talk about it James."

"I know you probably don't, but I th-"

"No." said Lily firmly. "I don't want to talk. I just want to finish up here and move on."

I couldn't be sure if she was referring to our little first aid rendezvous, or something else entirely. Either way, she wasn't getting the message. I _had _to talk about this. There was no way around it for me. Over the past few minutes I'd gone from feeling only slightly bad, to downright awful about myself, and I suddenly found the need to let her know just that.

"I'm sorry Lily, but I _have_ to talk." I said, stressing the 'have', trying to get my point across. "You can just listen if you want, but I have to say something to you."

She was silent for a moment, then she shrugged. "Sure," She said, "Though I don't know why you're even bothering to ask my permission this time. Nothing's ever stopped you from saying what's on your mind before."

I had a fairly good idea what she was referring to with that harsh sentiment, but I just let it drop. "Yeah well…" I said, "Here's the deal. I want to apologize for what I said to you earlier. I was just angry, and well, you know what happens when I lose my temper I guess. You didn't deserve what I did to you. I shouldn't have ever shoved you against that wall. I should have just pushed you off of me. It would have been the right thing to do, but I didn't, and then I blamed you for it. That- that was uncalled for, and I'm sorry."

As I finished, I looked into her face, hoping for some kind of indicator that my words had gotten their point across, but she just continued to give me the same blank, unseeing stare she'd been wearing all day. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. Aside from a couple misplaced glares, her face had remained pretty much the same for the past two hours.

Still, I'd been hoping for a little bit more of a reaction. Maybe relief washed eyes? A smug smile tugging at the corner of her lips? Anything but this utterly indifferent look she was giving me right now.

She opened her mouth to speak, and instantly I focused on her lips, willing words of gratitude, relief, hell, even taunting, to come out of her mouth. And yet, all she said was, "Oh."

_Oh? Oh! _I'd just surrendered to her for the first time in living memory and all she could think to say was _oh! _What the hell was wrong with her!

"What the hell Lily!" I cried out, before I could stop myself.

Her eyebrows practically rose off her face. "Excuse me?" She said vehemently.

"Er-" I said, backtracking at her venomous look, "I mean, uhhh, that's it? I just let you win an argument, and all you can think to say is, 'oh'?"

Lily sighed exasperatedly, "The argument is over James. We finished it up back in the kitchens. Remember? _I _surrendered to _you,_ not the other way around. I don't know why you want to bring it back up again. It's _over_."

Wait, she thought _she _surrendered to _me? _Where was I when this happened? "Wait, wait, wait…" I said quickly, "You mean to tell me that _you're _the one who surrendered this argument?"

"Yes." Said Lily stiffly, "It's been known to happen, alright? So just get your pompous gloating over with, and lets move on!"

"Move on, move on! You're not the one who gets to decide that! I-I am. I did. I'm the one who surrendered, not you!"

Lily scoffed. "I can't believe this! Are you seriously arguing with me about who surrendered first!? Why does it matter?"

"It matters because… because well…" I cast around frantically, trying to come up with a plausible response.

"Why? Because you poor itty-wee Potter feels _bad_? Because you're _sorry? _Because all of a sudden you've realized what a heartless sonofabitch you've been to me all day, and now you want to make things all better and be a friggin hero again? Well, sorry Prince Charming, but you missed your chance, the fairy tale ended a _long_ time ago."

What the hell? What was with the fairy tale references? I swear to Merlin, sometimes that girl acted like she was from another planet. A strange, faraway planet, with a bunch of hot chicks who liked to make up wacky metaphors…

At any rate, this wasn't how I wanted this conversation to go. I had to steer it back into safe waters, "Alright, fine." I said blandly, "Just tell me one thing; do you, or do you not, accept my apology?"

"What is this, a courtroom?" Came Lily's snarky reply.

I was really getting sick of the sarcasm. "For all you know, it might be." I spat back.

She glared at the sink above my head, "In that case, then no."

"Huh?"

"The answer to your question, moron. I don't accept your apology. If it were sincere, you wouldn't be arguing with me about it."

I couldn't help what came out of my mouth next. That happened a lot around Lily unfortunately. "Why the hell not!? We always argue? That's what we do! It's how we relate!" I saw her rolling her eyes at the 'relate' comment, but continued regardless, "Of course my apology was sincere! If it wasn't, I _wouldn't _be arguing with you over it!"

"That makes no sense." She said shortly.

"Well neither does your fairy tale analogy," I fired back, "But does it look like I care? No. Now just tell me what you think- Is it sincere enough for you or what? Will you finally just accept the damn apology already?"

"You know what I think Potter?" Lily asked impatiently.

She didn't wait to hear what I thought though. "I think, you're sitting here, bandaging the wounds that _you_ inflicted on me, and the smallest amount of remorse has somehow managed to penetrate your astronomically thick skull. I think, you're not used to feeling like you're _not _the greatest thing to grace this planet, and suddenly you want to make things all better and become Mr.-Knight-in-Shining-Armor again. So yeah, to answer your question, I think your apology is sincere. I think you mean it. But you don't mean it enough. And you don't mean it for me."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I spluttered, caught off guard by her acid response.

"It means I know you only apologized to me to feel better about yourself."

"That- that's…" I couldn't even think of a _word _to describe how absolutely preposterous that sounded! "That's not even-"

"Not even what? True? Right? Noble? Well, hate to break it to you Potter, but this isn't a friggin fairy tale. You don't get to be Prince charming and put me in my place at the same time. It doesn't work that way. You want to teach me a lesson, fine, do that. But don't expect me to kiss the ground you walk on a profess my undying love for you afterwards!"

I scoffed. Merlin, the nerve of that b- girl. Here I was, pouring my heart out to her, and here she was, kicking it to the ground, trampling on it, and even spitting a few times for good measure!

She drove me crazy sometimes. And not in a good, your-eyeballs-roll-into-the-back-of-your-head-in-ecstasy kind of way. In an insane, makes-you-want-to-grab-the-nearest-solid-object-and-chuck-it-at-her-head way. This could not be healthy.

I mean, honestly, here I was, trying to do the right thing and put an end to our last argument, and what does she do? She starts another one!

Well, I suppose she wasn't entirely to blame for that. It takes two to tango, and all that cliché shit. 'Arguing is how you sort out and accept your differences' my mom might have said. Still, I kind of wish we could just skip the sorting step and move on to the civilized conversation bit; that could be nice. I mean, I'd never actually had a civilized conversation with her in my life, aside from the weird pregnant dragon thing that is, so I didn't know, but I could imagine it might be pleasant. Better than screaming at any rate. Which is where this argument was headed if we didn't cool it, and soon.

Cool it… Wait, that's it!

I don't know why I did it exactly. It might have been anger, it might have been panic, it might have been just spite. Whatever the reason, I took the basin of water I'd been using to wet Lily's towel, and dumped it over her head.

The water hit her, soaked her to the bone, and she shrieked! Yes- shrieked.

"AHHHHH! POTTER! WHAT THE F-"

I quickly covered her mouth to stifle her screams. She struggled with all her might, and it killed me to do it, but I knew if she opened her mouth and bellowed again, she'd be alerting the entire school to our current whereabouts.

She kicked blindly at me, and scrambled around on the ground. I felt her teeth frantically trying to get a hold of the folds of skin on my hand to bite down on.

"Shhhh Lily…" I hissed, "I'll let you go if you promise not to scream. Otherwise someone's going to come find us…"

She continued squirming. It was then that I realized that asking a blind, mute, person to promise something was kind of a moot point. Sighing, I let her go. And held my breath.

For a second, it looked as though she was gathering breath for a nice long scream.

But then, she surprised me by raising her right hand over her head, bringing it down forcibly, and whacking me, right across the face.

How she even managed to aim was beyond me, but that didn't particularly matter, as I sat there, blinking groggily and trying to see past the stars currently swimming around in my line of vision.

"What the hell was that for!?" We both cried at the same time.

Like we read each other's mind. Wow, that was creepy.

"I don't know." I said, just as Lily said:

"For pouring water on me and gagging me, jackass!"

For a second, there was silence. Then, we both erupted.

"You don't know!?"

"I had to do that! The entire school would have heard you!"

"No they wouldn't! Why the hell did you pour water on me!?"

"You don't exactly have the daintiest scream!"

"What is with the friggin water?!"

"Uhhhhh…" I said. Lily seemed to have gotten in what she wanted to say. She was now looking at me with wide, expectant eyes. Or maybe I misread that. Maybe she was looking at me with wide, angry, hatred-smoldering-into-rage filled eyes. Yeah, that would probably be the correct assessment-

"Just answer the question, dillhole!"

Right. Why did I pour water over her? "Er- you looked hot…?" I said pathetically.

She snorted humorlessly. "I suppose next you'll be telling me it was an accident." She said acidly.

"Would you believe me if I did?" I asked without much hope.

"Hmmm…" Said Lily, pretending to ponder it, "An accident that a bucket of water levitated into the air and emptied itself over my head? Highly unlikely."

I couldn't help it- I laughed. It wasn't funny, not really. I was in deep shit, really deep if Lily's scowl was anything to go by, but it was all just too much all of a sudden.

Here we were, sitting in the middle of the prefects bathroom, one blind, one half crazy, one soaking wet and the other in hysterics. We really were an odd pair, you had to admit it.

But that wasn't even the funny part. The funny part was; who would have guessed? Who would have guessed Lily and I would ever end up like this, forced to spend time together, and arguing over such things as trivial as who ended the _last_ argument? Who would have thought I'd upend a bucket of water over her pretty little head? And who would have thought of what I did next?

Well, not Lily at any rate.

"Potter, what are you doing?" Lily asked exasperatedly, as I got up, still chuckling softly, and began to turn on every tap in the giant tub at the center of the room.

"You'll see," I said, as mysteriously as possible, watching gleefully as the water poured out of the taps and slowly began to fill the tub…

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_A/N: I'm in the process of working on the next chapter as I speak (Well more like type, but watever) Hopefully it'll be up within the next few days. Don't forget to review and tell me what you think. Like James POV? Hate it? Think he's too OOC? I'll never know unless you tell me, so, uhhh- tell me. Also, I don't know if I have any Mexican readers, but if i do, Happy Cinco de mayo! Stay healthy, stay safe, my prayers are with all of you._


	5. Smile

_A/N: Alright, so here goes. To any of you angst fiends out there, you're not going to like this chapter very much. It is pure, unadultured, and much needed, rot-your-teeth-to-dust fluff. Why, you ask? Because I've had a long, long, looooong week, and I really needed to do something to cheer myself up. And the result? This little fluff-nugget. If it puts a smile on your face then it's done its job. If not, well then, sucks to be you because you must have a heart of stone. So, without further adieu, I give you, Trust me, Parte Cinco! (Also, I have to idea if that's how you say part in Spanish, so just bear with me)._

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_SPLASH!_

_THUD!_

"OWWWW! MERLINS SODDING BLOODY UNDERWEAR! OWWWWW!"

"Potter?" I asked, quickly scrambling to my feet. "What happened?!"

All I heard was a loud groin. I waved my hands around frantically, hoping to find something solid to grasp onto, but it seemed as though I was standing in the one spot in this crowded bathroom where there wasn't a toilet, bathtub, or urinal handy. Figures, the one time in my life I actually wanted to touch a urinal, and what do you know? Not there.

"Potter?" I asked again, this time more urgently, "Are you alright? Are you hurt?"

It was quite a stupid thing to ask really, considering he'd just screamed out in agonizing pain. And then there was the bit about 'Merlins sodding bloody underwear'. I was fairly sure Potter wouldn't have said, much less screamed, something quite so lame if he wasn't either drunk or in excruciating, brain-inhibiting pain of some kind. And, seeing as Potter wasn't likely (though I wouldn't put it past him) to find a bottle of liquor in the prefects bathroom, I was tempted to believe the latter.

"Potter? Where are you?!" I called, stumbling around blindly towards the place I thought I'd heard him scream.

My hand brushed against a cool surface. It was slightly wet, but that didn't really surprise me, seeing as we were in a bathroom and all. I grasped onto it for dear life anyway, and took a few tentative steps towards it.

"Lily…" I heard Potter croak, "I-I fell in."

"Fell in what?" I asked, finally reaching my destination and straining my ears to pick up his voice.

"In the tub…" he answered, "Fell on my ass… in the bathtub…"

I stifled a giggle. "You alright?"

"Yeah… but I'm gonna have a killer bruise in a place I'm not gonna name come morning."

"I'll bet." I said, chuckling silently. "Am I close to you?" I asked.

"Er- yeah." He said, "You're standing at the edge of the tub. If you were to dip your hand down right now you'd hit water."

I tried it, and sure enough, he was right. The water was warm and bubbly, and felt surprisingly nice rushing through my outstretched fingertips. I let my hand dangle. "So, ummm" I said, not exactly sure how to phrase my question, "How exactly, did you manage to fall into a full bathtub?"

"Funny story." Potter said, and I heard a couple light splashing sounds as he predictably made his way towards me. "See, you know how I sorta poured a bucket of water on you? Well, I was feeling pretty guilty about that, so I figured I'd even the score a little and jump into a full bathtub. That way we'd both be soaked, right? Only, my plan kind of backfired because I hadn't anticipated the tub would be so slippery, and so I wasn't paying attention when I went to step in, and then I sort of slipped and fell on my- well, you know the rest anyways."

I couldn't help it. I laughed aloud.

"Hey, I'm in pain here! That's not funny!" Exclaimed Potter in frustration.

"Y-yes it is…" I managed to utter between giggles, "I-It is s-so funny!"

"Merlin Evans," Potter mumbled, "I had no idea you were such a sadist."

"N-no!" I said, a bit too quickly, "It's not that. Really it isn't. I'm sorry you hurt yourself, really I am, it's just- ironic really."

"Ironic?"

"Yeah, I mean, you were trying to do the right thing, and you, know, go all knight and shining armor on me, and instead you- instead you-" I couldn't help but stifle a giggle at this point, "Fell on your ass in a bath tub and bruised your-"

"Alright, alright. It's bad enough already, no need to rub it in." He whined.

"Sorry." I said, slightly mollified. "But admit it, if this happened to Sirius, you'd laugh your ass off, wouldn't you?"

"Guess I can't argue with that logic." He said, his voice a shade cheerier as he no doubt contemplated the prospect.

There was silence for a moment. My hand was still dangling in the water and I had no intention of taking it out. The combination of the warm water running over the skin of my hand in conjunction with the glorious aroma that the various bubbles were giving off had miraculously managed to start to sooth my tense muscles, and I wasn't about to let that sensation fade away.

"You think," I began tentatively, "If I were to, uhhh, sit on the edge of the tub, I could just dangle my feet in without actually going in?"

Potter seemed to consider for a second. "Yeah, if you're careful. C'mere, I'll help you."

I followed his voice to the other end of the tub. He grasped my hand and instructed that I try and swing my leg up and over the edge. I managed it easily, and then did the same with the other leg. Slowly, carefully, he gripped my hand tightly and directed me to scoot down, which I did, until my feet touched the water. I smiled and squeezed his hand, and instantly he released his grip. It was amazing how little dialog was needed for that little transaction. Just the feel of his wet palm in mine was enough to nudge me in the right direction. It was really quite creepy how much progress we'd managed to make in the past few hours, honestly.

"Mmmmm…" I moaned, relishing the feeling of the water enveloping my feet in its warm and bubbly goodness.

Yes, warm and bubbly goodness. Stop snickering, that's just how it felt. Warm, and bubbly, and good. And for someone severely lacking in the whole goodness department over the past few hours, this was big. No, not just big, this was amazing. This was like warmly, bubbly, goodness heaven.

And then, of course, Potters voice intruded my pleasant musings, and popped my happy moment like a soap bubble. It wasn't exactly what he said, it was just that it was him who said it, "You look really cute when you smile like that, you know?"

I promptly frowned.

"Oh no, don't do that. I wasn't trying to hit on you Lils, I was just making an observation is all."

"Don't call me Lils." I said quickly. It was instinct by now, not even something I had to consciously think about.

"Right, sorry," he said, "I'm sure you get guys telling you that all the time anyhow. Your smile really is something though."

I shrugged, "Honestly, most guys I know only consider a girl 'cute' when they wear jeans tight enough to cut off their circulation and a top skimpy enough that it can barely be considered an article of clothing. Or at least, most of the guys I've dated at any rate. Which is something I try not to make a habit of doing, so no, I don't get cute that often."

I'm not sure why I told him that. I regretted it almost as soon as the words left my lips, but there was nothing I could do about it but bite my lip and continue frowning.

"Well," said Potter, after a slightly awkward moment, "I think it's cute. You should do it more often. I mean, don't become one of those skanky smile prostitutes who walk around like they're on a never-ending toothpaste commercial, but you should try it occasionally. Who knows, you might even trick someone into thinking you're sane."

I laughed and swiped my hand playfully at the water, splaying it in all directions. I assumed I hit Potter, but I couldn't really tell.

"There you go Lily!" He encouraged, "See, was that so hard?"

"Did I get you?" I asked.

"Nah, you dowsed a couple urinals though," he said.

"Oh brilliant." I muttered.

"No!' He exclaimed, "That's sarcastic Lily! Get her out of here! Get happy, smiley Lily back!"

"Happy, smiley Lily?" I asked skeptically, "What, am I a multiple personality now?"

"No, see, that's exactly it. Every time you get sarcastic and bitter like that, you stop smiling. And that's sad, because you look so cute and sexy when you smile, that I just want to- er- wait, I shouldn't have said that…" He trailed off, and I could almost picture him blushing adorably.

I don't know what came over me after that, I really don't. It was just, the warm water flowing against my bare ankles, and the bubbly aroma, and the easy happy, bubbly goodness of the moment, suddenly, it was all too much. I wanted to bathe in it, to swim in it, to drown in it, to seize it by the hand and grasp it till I couldn't hold on any longer.

"You just want to what?" I asked innocently, slowly scooting closer and closer to the edge of the tub.

"Er-" He mumbled, "I just want to, uhhh, keep that smile on your face, forever and ever. Cuz, it's so beautiful and all, I never want to see it fade away."

"That's sweet," I said, griping the very edge of the tub tightly and gently lowering myself in, "What else?"

"Wh-what else what?" he asked.

"Oh, c'mon Potter, you know you went red as a tomato when you stopped yourself from saying whatever it was that was on your mind. Nothing ordinary and sweet could have made you blush like that, you and I both know it. Something embarrassing made you do it. And now, what I want to know is, what was it?"

"Uhhh…er-" He stuttered, and I inwardly thanked Merlin he seemed to be too flustered to realize that I, in fact, had absolutely no clue if he flushed red as a tomato or not.

"Alright, when you smile like that, I can't really help it, but my eyes zone in on your mouth, and I-"

I stepped completely down into the tub. We weren't touching each other, but I could feel Potters prescience mere inches away from me, perhaps not even. "And you what?" I asked, in what I hoped was an alluring sounding voice.

"I- I just want to…"

"Yeah," I asked, taking a little half step closer. My leg brushed up against his and I felt him shiver.

"I just want to," He reiterated, "Tickle you."

_Huh? Wait what?! Tickle me? _But I didn't really get a chance to ponder this strange answer. Because, before I knew it, his hands were on me, though not in the places you'd expect, and he was pinning me against the back wall of the tub, though not in the way you'd expect either.

His fingertips flew across my body, dancing up and down my sides darting behind my neck, venturing down towards my thighs and then back again, all at the same time. Before long, I was laughing so hard, I thought I might cough up my lungs. I couldn't have stopped it if I tried. Not that I wanted too or anything, but that was for me to know and Potter to never, ever, find out.

Ok, so I guess he sort of knew the affect he was having on me. I mean, I couldn't help but emit the odd high-pitched glee-filled squeal now and again. But hey, it's part of the female anatomy, right? Guys have a grunt switch, girls have a squeal button. And it seemed as though Potter had found just the spot.

Actually, he'd found all my spots, there wasn't just the one. I've always been extremely ticklish. My sister used to have me rolling around on the floor, squealing till the cows came home all the time back when we were still speaking to each other. There were a few key spots, the space between my thigh and my kneecap, both my armpits, the back of my neck, right at the base of my spine, the left side of my stomach… And it seemed as though, in a matter of moments, Potter had found them all, and was devoting special attention to each and every one of them, turning me into giant, water-logged, giggly putty in his hands.

"Hahaha- Potter- St-s-stop!" I managed to stutter, but without much conviction. I didn't really want him to stop; I was just saying that for appearance sake. Not that I'd have much pride left to salvage after this, but still, a girl had to try, right?

He didn't listen to me of course. He never had, why start now?

"Haha! J-James that tick-ickles!" I squealed out in glee, unconsciously curling into a ball as he went for my weak spot on the left side of my stomach.

I didn't know it at the time, but that was the first time I'd ever called him by his given name in living memory.

He tickled me for what felt like forever. It could have been for mere minutes, it could have been for hours, it could have been for days, for years, and I still wouldn't have known the difference. However long it was, it was a moment of pure, undiluted happiness. It was a moment in which I laughed harder than I could ever remember in my life. It was a moment, in which, for the first time that day, I smiled a genuine, joy filled smile, and it never ceased to fade away.

He tickled me till I laughed myself hoarse. And then, with gentle hands he cradled my still shaking head in his palms, and swooped in for one last attack. The moment his lips touched the base of my neck, just above my spine, I let out a final squeal, one I didn't even know I had left in me, and then, finally, slowly, my chest ceased it's wracking, my lungs got that last bit of oxygen they so desperately needed, and my body stilled.

For awhile after that I just sat there with him, in a bathtub in the middle of the prefects bathroom, my fingers somehow entwined with his, and for some odd reason, I couldn't bring myself to care. Finally though, I had to say something, so I took a deep, steadying breath and said, "Thanks James, I think I really needed that."

He gave my hand a gentle squeeze. "I know you did Lils, I know you did."

And for once, I couldn't find it in myself to correct him.

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_A/N: Alright, so here's the part where I apologize for taking forever and a day to get this up. So here's the deal, I worked on this chapter practically every day all week, and then, all of a sudden, I just sort of realized it wasn't going anywhere, so I scrapped it. Then, I started all over again, realized that one had no direction whatsoever either, and scrapped it as well. So today, after sitting down for a few hours and growing steadily more miserable as I painstakingly worked my way through my mountain of homework, I suddenly decided the direction I wanted to take this chapter. I just wanted to make myself smile. And so, I put on some corny, fluffy, guilty pleasure type music and set to work. And this was the result. I wish I'd figured it out sooner, but unfortunately I didn't. Lily and James needed to smile just as much as I did. I just wasn't getting the message. After all the crap I've put them through over the past few chapters, they deserved this. Don't worry, I'll go back to the bickering and the drama soon, but for now, I just hope I put a smile on your face for a minute or two. Sometimes, everyone needs to stretch those facial muscles and smile for a bit. _

_...The gospel according to DobbyRoxMySox..._


	6. Frustration

_A/N: No, I didn't die. I'm alive and quite happy about it, so please don't murder me for taking so long to update. I could go int excuses, but you guys probably don't want to hear it. What it boils down to is this: School = Stress = Slow updates. Thankfully, I only have a week and a half of school left, so hopefully by then I'll have a lot more free time on my hands to write this story. I really hate only updating once every few weeks, and I'm sure you guys don't like it any more than I do. So, although this update is rather short and uneventful due to the fact that I have to study for finals and don't have time for much else this weekend, rest assured that it won't be long before I'll be able to update much more frequently. _

_Disclaimer: I think if Jo sent a draft to her publisher three weeks later than she said she would someone would murder her. So, seeing as I'm still alive, I'd say its safe to assume I'm not Jo._

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**JPOV:**

There are times when I look at Lily, and can't believe how incredibly beautiful she is. Times when all I want to do is walk over there, and kiss her, and hold her, and never let go till the day I die. Times when my eyes bug out of my head and a little spittle of drool starts making its way down my chin, and I don't even notice, I'm too preoccupied with staring at her dazzling features.

Unfortunately, as I regarded Lily's hunched, obstinate demeanor and sopping wet, drowned rat-like appearance, I was forced to conclude that now wasn't one of those times.

She was wearing all her clothes of course. Little comfort that was though, seeing as they were completely drenched and sticking to her skin as though they'd been superglued. Around her torso was a fluffy pink towel I'd insisted on getting her before she got out of the soapy water. I'd always considered myself to be a relatively respectful person in regards to women, but even so, I wasn't so sure I could handle myself if certain parts of Lily's anatomy became, well- exposed.

Needless to say, she looked quite ridiculous. But, seeing as this was Lily Evans we were talking about, she somehow managed to look not only ludicrous sitting there on that toilet in her fluffy pink bath towel and soaking wet clothes, but impossibly and yet unmistakably determined as well.

"No." She said defiantly, for about the hundredth time in the past five minutes.

"C'mon Lily…" I sighed. "I'm perfectly capable of it. I promise I won't set you on fire."

She shook her head. "No." She said flatly.

I ground my teeth together in frustration, "It's a friggin drying charm Lily! It's ridiculously easy! A third year could do it!"

"No."

"It'll take two seconds, and then we can get out of here. We can't hang out here all day. We already got caught trashing the divination tower. If someone comes in here and sees the mess we made, Sinistra'll murder us."

"No."

"What do you mean no?! Would you rather walk around for the rest of the day soaking wet and wrapped up in a fluffy pink towel?!" I spluttered.

"No."

I groaned loudly, "Do you have any idea how irritating you're being right now?" I asked.

"I could guess." Lily answered cheekily.

"I'll bet you could…" I muttered angrily. Then, more loudly, "Why can't you just trust that I know what I'm doing and won't hurt you? What is so terrible about my spell casting abilities that you'd rather sit there and freeze to death rather than let me help you?"

Lily shrugged. "I'm sorry. I just don't feel comfortable with you pointing your wand at my face when I can't see it."

"Why not? Don't you trust me?" I asked genuinely.

"Well," Said Lily plainly, "Frankly, no."

It was just a simple statement really. But the truth of it came crashing down with such awful force I almost had to take a step backwards to keep myself upright. She still didn't trust me. It shouldn't have been surprising of course; but over the past few hours she'd allowed me to be closer to her than ever before, and I guess for some reason I'd figured that meant she was starting to get a bit more comfortable in my prescience. But apparently I was wrong.

She didn't trust me.

"Why?" I asked finally, after taking a little bit to process this unpleasant bit of information, "I thought we were past that? Why is it that you still don't trust me?"

"Past that?" She asked indignantly, hugging the towel a bit tighter to herself, almost instinctively, "You can't go from being mortal enemies with someone to trusting them in a few hours, it doesn't work that way. Sure, I don't really feel like chucking you out a window right now like I usually do, but that doesn't mean I feel comfortable having you perform magic on me when I can't even see what you're doing to me."

Ah. So now she was using the logical approach. Well, two could play at that game, "If I were going to do anything to you Lily," I said, "You and I both know I would have done it already. We were sitting in a friggin _bathtub_ together and I didn't lay a finger on you. Well- I did, but not in a figurative sense. Okay, that made no sense, but the point is, I'm sitting here patiently, asking your bloody _permission_ to do a spell that I've been doing for four years now without a hitch, and that'll take thirty seconds at the most to perform, and the only reason I haven't done it yet is because you don't feel comfortable. Don't you think, if I can sit here and argue with you for ten minutes over something as stupid as a drying spell, you can trust me on this one?"

Lily sighed heavily. "You know, it's all well and good, you telling me all the things you _haven't _done that merit my trust. But give me just one good example of something you _have _done that proves your trustworthiness. If you can do that, maybe I'll consider letting you cast that spell."

I was starting to get the feeling this argument wasn't over a drying spell anymore.

I opened my mouth to retaliate, and then realized the awful truth, I couldn't think of anything to say to that. I was speechless.

Well, not literally speechless. I mean, there were a lot of things I could have said then. I could have completely ignored her last statement and pointed out that her lips were starting to go purple and she'd probably end up getting pneumonia if she didn't hurry up and let me cast the spell soon. I could have pointed out how pigheadedly stubborn she was being right now, how unreasonable and childish she was acting. I could have done the spell anyways, just to piss her off.

As I matter of fact, I could've said and done a lot of things right then, but as I was thinking on all that I realized something. Lily was right. There were a lot of things I hadn't done to betray her trust. But had I really ever done anything to earn it in the first place?

I mean sure, I'd dressed her wounds. But those were wounds _I'd _inflicted in the first place, so that could hardly count. And yeah, I'd tickled her a little when I thought she needed cheering up, but a lot of that had to do with the fact that at that moment in the tub, as she was coming towards me, I was so close to completely losing control and kissing her right then and there, blindness be damned, that I had to do something to get my mind off how unbelievably hot she looked right then. And alas, all girls look quite bizarre when they're in hysterics, so that was the first thing that popped into my head.

So, of course, that couldn't be counted as an act that merited trust. Hell, I'd only done it because I didn't trust _myself. _

No, the unpleasant truth of the matter was, Lily was right. And I hated to admit that. Even to myself.

My silent musings must have stretched on for a while, because Lily's bitingly sarcastic voice was soon to jolt me from my reverie, "Yoo-hoo! Earth to Potter!" She drawled, "Listen, either we can sit here and you can scratch your head like an ape and try to think up a solution that doesn't actually exist to our little trust issue, or you can just give me my wand back and I'll do the spell myself. Alright?"

Her wand… huh? Now that was an idea. Not a particularly bright one, considering a blind person was much more likely to set themselves on fire than a person who could actually see what they were doing with the thing, but I guess Lily, being quite talented at charms, might be able to pull it off. Not that I really wanted her to try. I'd been feeling oddly protective of her lately for some reason. I wasn't entirely sure why, but it probably had something to do with the fact that she was blind, and maybe even something to do with something entirely different. At any rate, if worst came to worst, I guess I could let her do it herself before her toes started turning black and falling off. But I wasn't about to go down without a fight.

Lily coughed loudly, "Are you going to hand it over or what?" She asked impatiently.

"I'm sorry Lily. I can't do that." I said simply.

"Why not?" She demanded.

"I don't want you to hurt yourself." I replied.

She snorted, unconvinced. "Uh huh…"

"I'm serious Lily. You don't honestly still think I want to hurt you, right? I really am sorry for what I did to you today. Whether you accept that or not, it's the truth."

"Sure it is." She said flippantly.

I bit back an angry retort, and focused on keeping my voice even, "I care about you. I want you to feel safe. But I also don't want you to hurt yourself. That's why I can't give you your wand back."

She sent an icy glare in the general direction of the sinks on the opposite wall, "If you really want me to feel safe, then give me my wand. I think it'd be a lot easier to trust you if I at least had the comfort of knowing I could hex you halfway across the globe if you tried anything."

I could see this wasn't going anywhere soon. Well, not soon enough to save her from coming down with hypothermia at any rate. If I wanted to get her out of that fluffy pink towel and this godforsaken bathroom any time within the next day or so, I was going to have to give in. So much for not going down without a fight.

"You know what Lily," I said, "You're right. I haven't done anything to earn your trust. There's no reason for you to trust me whatsoever."

She looked quite taken aback that I had actually agreed with her for once, but before she could open her mouth to say anything, I went on.

"So, guess what? I give up. Put your hand in you left pocket for me, would you?"

She continued to look puzzled, but did as asked. A second later, her face lit up, as her fingers grasped onto a thin, stick-like object inside her robe pocket. She pulled it out and ran her fingers over it in wonderment. Her wand.

"But-but you said… In the kitchens, you said you took it." She spluttered out in surprise.

"I lied." I answered shortly, "You were looking for it in the wrong pocket, and I didn't particularly want you to find it and set the kitchen on fire so I told you I took it."

Her eyebrows knit together in confusion, "So it was there the whole time?" She asked.

"Well, no." I admitted. "Right after you went blind, Sinistra sort of snatched it out of your pocket and gave it to me. She didn't say anything, but I think she thought I should hold on to it so you didn't try to use it and end up hurting someone. But then when we were going down the stairs right afterwards, I slipped it back into your left pocket. I mean, I knew you usually put it in your right pocket so I reckoned it might take awhile for you to figure out it was there, but somehow I just figured, you know, if it were me, I would have wanted to have my wand."

Silence. Lily twirled the wand around her fingers absentmindedly, smiling slightly and looking thoughtful. When she didn't offer a further comment, I continued. "I guess lying to you about that isn't exactly something that strengthens my whole trustworthiness cause, but if it counts for anything, I just want you to know that I gave that wand back to you because I trusted you with it. I didn't think you'd do anything stupid and hurt someone like Sinistra did. And I know you don't trust me, and not with good reason either, but I trust you. I don't know if it means anything to you, but I do."

I trailed off, but Lily still didn't respond. I knew she'd heard me though. Her head was slightly cocked and her lips were pursed in away I'd come to learn meant she was doing some serious thinking. I let her ponder my words for a moment before saying, "So, if you're going to do that drying spell, now would be a good time to do it. We really do need to get out of here."

Without a word, she raised her wand, and flicked her hand adeptly so it was pointing straight at her face. I held my breath as she performed the spell, but I needn't have worried. She didn't even mutter a spell, all she did was perform a simple little half twirl, and in an instant her robes were dry as could be.

She'd managed the spell even better than I could have, and she was _blind._ Merlin, even handicapped that girl could still be infuriating as hell.

Our little stay in the prefects bathroom thus concluded, we silently made our way out. When we got back to the hallway, I tentatively put a hand on Lily's shoulder, and, miracle of all miracles, she made no move to shake it off. Perhaps she was simply too tired to fight anymore. Or maybe, just maybe, she was still thinking about what I said earlier. Maybe it had meant something to her after all.

* * *

_A/N: Yes, that was an unfortunate step back for these two, but I felt it had to be there. Plus, my neurotic teachers have been even acting even more psychotic than usual, and they're driving me up the wall, so it was quite nice to vent my frustration on this unfortunate chapter. Anyways, reviews are always appreciated. If you feel the need to tell me how much you hate me for leaving you in suspense for a month and then throwing you this lousy bone of a chapter go ahead, I don't mind. Any feedback is always appreciated. _


	7. Sigh

_A/N: So, I'm going to just dive right into it. You knew it was going to take me awhile to get this chapter up so no lame excuses this time. And this actually wasn't that long, considering... Anyways though, this chapter is kind of a wildcard for me. I have a feeling some of you are going to love it, and some of you are going to stare at the page for a few seconds with your head tilted to the side and your mouth open wide, mentally going, "What the hell is she on?" So, hopefully more of you will be on the loving it side of the coin, but even if you aren't, I'd love to hear what you think. So, without further adeiu, I give you the soon to be infamous, Chapter Seven!_

_Disclaimer: If I were Jo I'd have something witty to say here... On second thought, I actually wouldn't because I wouldn't need a disclaimer in the first place... Hmmm, wouldn't that be convenient? _

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**JPOV:**

"You're not only crazy Lily," I hissed, "You're a bitch."

"Takes one to know one." Lily spat back.

"Ohhh, wow, that's original."

"More original than bitch."

"How's, crazy, psychotic uber-bitch then?"

In case you hadn't noticed by now, we were fighting. _Again_. What were we fighting about, you ask? Well, to be honest, I think we'd both sort of forgotten at this point.

Lets back up a few minutes earlier. I was leading Lily through the Gryffindor common room towards my dorm to retrieve my invisibility cloak. We were just nearing the spiral staircase when…

**LPOV:**

James sighed loudly. Again. For about the hundredth time in the past two minutes I might add.

I simply couldn't take it anymore. I swear to Merlin, if one more of those annoying little self-pitying snorts came out of that kid's mouth-

_Sigh…_

"Potter! What the hell is the matter with you!?" I yelled.

Oops. Didn't mean to scream that.

James halted in his tracks. I did too, seeing as he was steering me and all, and I didn't particularly fancy walking into a wall.

"The matter with me?" He asked. "What the hell is wrong with you? Have you gone completely insane?"

"No- Yes! Yes, as a matter of fact, I have! You've sighed about half a zillion times in the past five minutes, and it's just so friggin annoying I want to bash your head into a suit of armor!"

Not one of my cleverest threats, I'll admit, but in my defense, it had been a long, long day.

James let out a strangled chuckle. Not an amused one, more like a condescending little snort. "That's what this is about!?" He cried, nearly screaming himself now, "You're annoyed because I'm sighing too much!?"

I didn't know what to say to that. I decided to settle with the truth. "Yeah." I replied glibly.

"You- You're- You are…" He said, seeming to struggle with the correct term to describe what, in fact, I was, "You're bloody infuriating! That's what!"

"Yeah, you should talk." I muttered.

"Excuse me?" He asked harshly.

"You heard me."

"No, I don't think I did. But just in case, maybe you should refresh my memory."

I turned myself around so that I was sure I was facing in his relative direction. Then I squared my shoulders and stood up straight, hoping I'd succeeded in getting my face right up in front of his. "Alright," I said evenly, "I'll tell you what I said. I said that you should talk because you are absolutely the most infuriating, arrogant, selfish, twisted bigot I've ever had the displeasure to lay eyes on, and if you think, even for a second, that _I'm _the infuriating one, well then… that's just bloody ironic if you ask me."

I could almost see James' jaw drop at that. "I'm not the one who's screaming at the top of their lungs over a bloody sigh!" He yelled, "You're beyond insane Lily! You're psychotic! One minute you're ready to bloody murder me, the next you're giggling like a little schoolgirl in the bathtub, and then what do you know? Now you're mad at me again! What is your issue? Did you forget to take your meds this morning or what? Or is this you? Are you always this- this- crazy!?"

"No!" I said loudly. I wasn't screaming, but my voiced was raised much higher than it needed to be considering the circumstances. I took a step forward to emphasize my point, bumping into Potters shins as I did so.

"I'm not like this. Ever. Except when I'm with you." I said. I was standing so close to him, I could feel his rapid breaths on my face. Could practically hear his racing heartbeat, or maybe that was mine. It was getting kind of hard to tell.

I was close enough that I couldn't resist but utter my last statement in a low, sultry voice, barely above the hum of a whisper, "So do the math James," I purred, "It's not me. It's you."

I heard him intake a deep breath. Then he spat, "Like hell it is Lily."

It was my turn to feel my jaw drop.

"Everything is always my fault, isn't it?" He asked, then, without waiting for an answer, he plunged on, "The fight in the divination tower. My fault. Sinistra's ingenious plan. All my fault. Our little fiasco in the kitchens. My fault. The fact that you can't bring yourself to trust anyone whatsoever. Totally my fault. Every single argument we've ever been in because you're too damn stubborn to even give me a chance. All my fault. Everything can be traced back to me. It's always me. I'm always the one to blame for whatever stupid mess you get yourself into. _If you hadn't done this… If you hadn't done that… _Well, you know what Lily?"

I didn't try to interrupt him. I knew from experience that whenever he got going like this, it was best just to let him blow over before retaliating. So all I did was wait with bated breath for the next wave of insults to hit.

But all he said was this; "You need to grow up."

For a moment, there was silence. I couldn't hear anything but the frantic thud of my heartbeat, and Potter's raspy breathing. Couldn't feel anything but a strange numbness, that coupled with an odd, tingling feeling in the few parts of my body that were now in contact with Potter's. It was strange. I should have been furious with him. But I wasn't. I was just, numb.

It wasn't a pleasant numbness. I didn't like it. It was like all my senses, (the ones I still had at any rate) had been muffled, and I was left standing there in the dark, in the middle of a stifling, shapeless bubble. I was physically closer to Potter than I'd ever been in my life, and yet, at the time I couldn't have felt less connected.

I had to change this. So I did the only thing I knew how. I retaliated. "_I_ need to grow up!?" I shrieked, "Why don't you give that try!? Let me know how it goes for you."

James growled. Yes- growled. "There you go again. Twisting my words and spitting them right back out at me. Why don't you try coming up with a few of your own insults for once, amateur."

_Amateur?! _Oh, I'd show him. I was feeling more fired up already.

"You want an original insult, huh?" I asked, not waiting for a response, "Alright, how about dragon dung? Hippogriff puke? Giant squid semen? Or, you know, I could go with the classics. Asshole, moron, jackass, douche. They may not be the most creative insults in the book, but they work just as well."

This was good, this was what I needed. Lobbing insults at each other, this was what we did. This was what kept us going strong.

"You're not only crazy Lily," he hissed, "You're a bitch."

"Takes one to know one." I spat, relishing in the feel of the harsh words as they left my mouth to find their desired target.

"Ohhh, wow, that's original."

"More original than bitch."

"How's, crazy, psychotic uber-bitch then?"

I gasped in feigned shock and hurt, "Oh no, what next? Am I a big meanie too? Did I hurt poor Prongsie's feelings?"

There was something incredibly alluring about having the power to hurt someone, just with the words from your very own mouth. Not that we were exactly aiming for the kill anymore per say, but still, once you got started, arguing could be incredibly addictive.

"How did you-" he started, then, seeming to remember that we were in the middle of an epic argument here, "At least I'm not blind."

"Really, I had no idea!" I mocked, "At least I'm not an idiot."

Scratch addictive. Try intoxicating.

"At least I'm not more stubborn than a flobberworm."

"At least my insults make sense!"

Yes, intoxicating. It wasn't even about the words anymore, just the sound of each others raised voices, reverberating throughout our eardrums. Just the taste of Potters harried breathing, the feel of his body against mine as he moved impossibly closer with each lame attempt at an insult, driving his point home.

"Flobberworms are stubborn! They refuse to do anything!"

"Flobberworms _can't_ do anything! They have no legs, eyes, ears, or teeth!"

It felt as though every fiber, every vessel of my being were on fire. With every breath my lungs flared, my heart blazed, and my blood boiled in my veins. It was the absolute opposite of that eerily numb feeling from earlier. It was feeling at its epitome, and I relished it. Until, abruptly, it stopped.

"You know what Lily?" James said finally, "Just, shut up."

I was just drawing breath to retaliate once more, when I felt it. Potters lips on mine. Potters hands on my back, drawing me ever closer to him. I was so startled, I almost drew away right then.

But I didn't. Something kept me there.

Something in the way his lips dipped and curved, like the fierce crest of the surf in a stormy sea. Something in the way his tongue batted insistently against my closed mouth, fighting to gain entrance. Something in the way his grip tightened around my waist, his hands slipping down as if by their own accord to find my hips.

Something in the way this all felt strangely familiar.

And not in a bad way.

I'd been kissed before in my life, sure, but never like this. There was nothing remotely sweet, or romantic, or tender about this kiss. It was that passionate, demanding, all-consuming kind of kiss you think only exists in the movies. And yet here we were, doing the whole cliché dueling tongues and lust-filled moans bit, and, surprisingly enough, it felt damn good.

It was sort of like arguing, I mused. Like a little back and forth mantra, only, this time instead of words we had tongues, and instead of that sweet taste of victory that you get when you manage to strike a nerve, we had, well, the taste of each other. In fact, I decided, it wasn't as good arguing.

It was a gazillion times better.

I was enjoying this newfound sensation so much, actually, that it wasn't until that point where you realize that you desperately need oxygen or else your lungs are going to collapse like a popped balloon, that I remembered one extremely important detail.

I was kissing James Bloody Potter!

I leaped away from him as though I'd been burned.

In the slightly awkward few seconds that followed, there were about a million different things that I could have been thinking about, chief among them Potters lips.

However, as I sat there, breathing heavily and trying to ignore Potters own labored breathing, there seemed to be just one thought thick enough to break through my haze of lust and confusion.

And it was this:

"Well, at least he's not sighing anymore."

* * *

_A/N: Wow, it's been about a year since I've attempted to write a kiss scene. Hopefully that wasn't too melodramatic for you guys, I tried to keep it as down to earth as possible, but I tend to over exaggerate things when I get excited and write really, really, long run on sentences kinda like this one, so you never know. As always though, leave me a review and let me know what you think. I'm going away this weekend, so it'll be at least untill Monday before I update again, but count on much more frequent updates now that schools finally out. _


	8. That was That

_A/N: Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. The thing is, this past week I sort of got captured by aliens and dragged onto their spaceship so they could bring me to their native planet and do experiments on me, and I eventually managed to make a dramatic escape with much suspenseful music and close encounters, but alas, escaping from aliens takes time, so this fic had to wait. Okay, so obviously that's not the reason I haven't updated in so long when I told you all I'd be updating more frequently, but it sure sounds more interesting than the real reason- which is that I am incredibly lazy. That's not to say I just left this fic to rot for two weeks, because I did try to write it many different times, in many different ways, but it just wasn't working for me. Eventually though, I sat down, and, though I was quite sugar high and extremely hyper when I wrote this, I managed to get this chapter down. It's a wierd chapter, but hopefully it doesn't disapoint. We shall see. _

_Disclaimer: J. K. Rowling could never get kidnapped by aliens. She has bodyguards. Lucky..._

**

* * *

**

**JPOV:**

_That was wow. That was… that was… wow._

As woefully inarticulate as my first thoughts were after my kiss with Lily, the fact remains that wow, holy freakin Merlin, that was a bloody amazing kiss.

It'd started out as a simple argument over who knows what, and ended up as what I was quite certain had to be the best kiss of my life. I hadn't even noticed how fired up I was till I couldn't take it anymore, till I just had to be connected to Lily in some shape or form or else I was sure I was going to spontaneously combust right there on the spot. That was when I'd told her to shut up, and covered her mouth with mine, right there, right then.

Admittedly, it wasn't exactly the overwhelmingly romantic first kiss I'd envisioned us having on many more occasions than I'd care to admit. There were no candles, their flickering flames casting the room into an eerie, yet undeniably erotic haze. There was no romantic music playing, the notes swirling about the room and seeping into our lust filled minds. There were no rose petals, no whispered _I Love You_'s, no fireworks, or marching bands, or choirs of angels singing our praise. It was just… what it was.

But wow… I mean wow! What a kiss.

/-o0o-/

**LPOV:**

_Wow. This is bloody awkward. _

It wasn't my first coherent thought after our little impromptu kiss, but it was the one that stuck with me.

_Holy Merlin, this was awkward. _

What was Potter thinking right now? I couldn't see him so I couldn't even guess off that, thanks to stupid Sinistra and her stupid bloody blinding spell. Did he think that meant anything? Did it mean anything?

No, no. Of course it didn't. It was just… it was that. Right?

Obviously it didn't mean anything to either of us. I was sure Potter was just sitting there, smiling smugly because he managed to get me, in my weakened state of blindness and confusion, to kiss him. It was a one time only deal. We both knew that. Of course we did. It must never happen again. It wasn't even that great of a kiss.

…

Okay, so who was I kidding? It was a bloody incredible kiss. It was, if I were being completely honest with myself, probably the best kiss I'd had in my entire life. Not that I had much to compare it too, but still, the fact remained.

But that didn't mean anything either. Just because Potter had luscious, magical, perfectly kissable lips meant absolutely nothing. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

Nothing. (Just in case you didn't get it the first time)

/-o0o-/

**JPOV:**

_I wonder what Lily's thinking right now._

I pondered this question as I sat there, waiting for my rapid heart rate and heavy breathing to even out. She was probably in denial, I assumed. As always, she would be trying to convince herself that that kiss meant absolutely nothing, and failing miserably. But not for lack of trying.

What did it mean though?

Like I said before, it hadn't been incredibly romantic, like my rather girlie montage from before with the rose petal sand angels and fireworks and shit. It had just been… well, that.

What exactly that was, I was still trying to figure out.

/-o0o-/

**LPOV:**

Nothing. It meant nothing.

_If you really believed that, then why are you so dead set on convincing yourself of it? _

My subconscious hates me, I swear.

I wasn't trying to convince myself of anything. Just clarifying a few things, that's all.

Yes, clarifying. No harm in that, right? No, of course not. No harm at all.

Nothing.

_You really like that word, huh?_

It's a good word. All encompassing. Final. There's no room for argument.

_There's always room for argument. You should know that, you're the one arguing with your own subconscious. _

Am not!

_Are too!_

Am not!

_You are now, hehe!_

I hate you.

_The feeling's mutual._

/-o0o-/

**JPOV:**

_Why had Lily kissed me back?_

Did she actually have feelings for me? Or was that just a fluke? She was in the middle of an argument and fired up about that, and by the time that I kissed her, she was so immersed in her own competitiveness that she wasn't about to give in? Was that it? Was the entire kiss just a part of our brainless argument?

I hoped not. I hoped it meant more. Our little extended verbal foreplay had served to make the kiss all the more hot, but I hope it meant more than simply attraction.

It had to. I mean, a kiss like that, you don't get that with just anybody.

You don't, right?

/-o0o-/

**LPOV:**

I have officially gone insane. I'm arguing with my own subconscious.

_You can't deny that you think he's hot._

Get out of my head. I hate you. You're evil.

_But think of that body… Remember the time you saw him shirtless when he was coming out of the quidditch locker room?_

EVIL!!!!!

See what I mean?

Most of these arguments go somewhat like this:

The kiss meant nothing.

_Of course it didn't. That would be why you're obsessing over it._

I'm not obsessing over it!

_Yes you are._

No I'm not!

_Yes you are. You're arguing with yourself, hence, obsession. _

Have I mentioned that I hate you?

_About twenty times, yeah._

I'm not into James.

_I didn't say you were._

You implied it.

_Did I?_

Yes. Now stop sounding so annoyingly condescending. It's making me want to bash your head against a brick wall.

_Technically, I'm you, so you'd have to bash your own head against a brick wall to accomplish that feat. _

Baahhh!

…And so forth.

/-o0o-/

**JPOV:**

_I wonder if Sirius will believe me when I tell him I kissed Lily?_

Probably not. Too bad, I should have brought a camera or something. Though I bet it would have pissed Lily off. You know, her still thinking I'm a sadistic rapist and all.

/-o0o-/

**LPOV:**

_So, about this whole you having feelings for James thing?_

Lalalalala! I can't hear you!

_I'm in your head. No matter what you do, you can't drown me out._

Wanna bet?

_So that's why you're being so insistent that kissing him meant nothing right? Because, secretly, you actually like James._

Nuclear bombs. Biological warfare. Dead puppies. Avada Kedavra.

_You're starting to see that he's not the horrible, soulless person that you've built him up to be ever since your first meeting. _

World hunger. Volcanic eruptions. Giant wars. Cannibals.

_You've hated him all this time because he's cocky, because he's popular, because he's a quidditch star, because he always seems to get good marks without trying, because he used to make fun of Severus. _

Don't bring Sev into this.

_Fine, but admit it. He's not a bad guy._

Man-eating dragon colonies. The bubonic plague. Blood-sucking leaches. Castration.

_I can keep this up all day you know._

So can I.

_Alright, bring it._

/-o0o-/

**JPOV:**

_She doesn't still think I'm a sadistic rapist, right?_

I mean, she trusted me enough to guide her all the way to the common room. That's got to mean something. I think.

And she kissed me back, so that's got to mean something too. I mean, if she thought I was going to try and take advantage of her she would have tried to pull back, right?

No, of course she doesn't still think… But does she trust me?

That always seems to be the question. Does Lily trust me?

Probably not. But will she ever?

/-o0o-/

**LPOV:**

Machine Guns. Sectumsempra… You know, I'm getting really sick of this, can't you just give up and go away already?

_Of course I can't. I'm you. I'm just as stubborn as you are, so therefore, I will not give up till I get what I want. _

And what might that be?

_For you to admit that James is a halfway decent guy and that you might actually have feelings for him._

Fat chance.

_Alright then, you'd better get used to me._

Fenrir Greyback. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Filch. Mrs. Norris's kitty litter.

_If we're being completely honest here, you liked James even before this whole fandango started. _

History of Magic class. Statutory rape. Homicide. St. Bartholomew's Day massacre.

_You always had a crush on him. Even from day one. That's why you tried so vehemently to hate him. Because crushes are for people weaker than you._

The Defenestration of Prague. Poison Apples. Hippogriff crap… Er-

_Getting harder to come up with horrible things in this world huh?_

No.

_There's only so many horrific things in life. Sooner or later you have to start looking on the bright side or go insane._

What are you, a life coach or something?

_Pshaw… I wish._

Anyways, I'm not giving up, I'm just… taking a break. For my mental health.

_Honey, that's water under the bridge._

What does that-

_Here's the deal. Answer three questions of mine truthfully and I'll leave. Got it?_

Fine.

_I'll know if you're not telling the truth. I'm your subconscious. I know everything about you._

Yeah, sure. Get on with it already.

_Alright. Did you or did you not, just kiss James Potter, the person you claim to hate with a vengeance?_

What is this, a court case?

_Just answer the question._

Fine. Yes, I did.

_Good. Now, are you or are you not still sitting here, arguing with yourself over that very kiss?_

Er- yeah. I'm talking to you aren't I?

_And lastly, did you, or did you not enjoy that kiss?_

Sure, it was alright, I guess.

_Honest answers or you'll never get rid of me._

Yes, I did enjoy it.

_Great. That's all I needed. So here's the situation. You just kissed your so-called mortal enemy and liked it, liked it so much in fact that you didn't try to run away from your feelings like usual and are actually sitting here debating them with me right now, sound about right?_

Whatever you say all-knowing-alter-ego-Lily-with-the-annoyingly-condescending-voice-and-one-track-mind.

_Very flattering, thanks. Anyways, I can only conclude that because kissing James has made you question your feelings for him, that there are, in fact, feelings at play that need questioning. Hence, you have feelings for him._

No I don't.

_Darling, you can be in denial all you want. But your subconscious just admitted to itself that it has feelings for a certain scruffy-haired Gryffindor Quidditch captain, so unless you plan on becoming a spit personality, you're going to have to square with that eventually. _

Yeah, whatever.

_'Yeah, whatever?' Those are your last words to me? Don't you have anything a little bit more sentimental to say to your dearest subconscious? I am you, you know. _

I don't say dearest. Or darling, come to think of it.

_Humph… Fine Lily. Goodbye. I'll talk to you next time you have a decision crisis. _

I won't-

_Oh trust me honey, you will. _

"Or honey. I definitely don't say honey." I grumbled, not even realizing I'd said this out loud till Potter responded.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing." I said quickly. Too quickly.

For another moment there was silence. Then Potter asked, "So, uh, what exactly, what was that?"

I didn't know how to answer him. Arguing with my subconscious had certainly not cleared anything up for me. If possible, it had probably made things even murkier.

So I said the only thing I could think to say. "That was that."

And so, we left it at that.

* * *

_A/N: I did warn you it was going to be wierd. That is, if you read my uber-long authors note, which I'm guessing at least half of you skipped. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. Whatever you have to say, I'd love to hear it. _


	9. Pink Elephants

_A/N: Hey guys! *Dodges cruciatus curse* Whew, that was close. So, seeing as I'm never likely to get any of these updates up when I say I will, I've given up trying to apologize. I think, if this fic has proved anything whatsoever, it is that James can be trusted, Lily can be trusted, but sadly, the same is not true for me. That being said, here's the next chapter. Outwardly, it's probably going to seem a bit silly and pointless, from Lily's POV at least, but rest assured that no, I have not run out of things to write about, because the chapter actually serves to spur the plot on a bit, it just takes its sweet time getting there. _

_Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. It's too late to come up with anything witty. _

* * *

**JPOV:**

The bleak, endless depths of murky water rippled slightly in the late afternoon breeze. It was unseasonably warm on this day, which was lucky because I hadn't really thought to stop and grab a cloak for either of us. I could be incredibly careless sometimes.

I looked over to see Lily absentminded fingering one of the bandages on her arms.

Incredibly.

We were seated beside the Black Lake, dangling our bare feet into it's chilly waters. At the time, it seemed oddly fitting that we come here. Though honestly, I haven't the faintest clue why.

I looked over at Lily again. Her brow was scrunched and her mouth was set in a grim line, she seemed to be thinking hard about something.

When taking the previous hour into consideration, it wasn't hard to guess just what that might be.

"Hey, don't think so hard, you might pull something." I joked, trying to break the awkward lull of silence with a bit of light humor.

"Huh?" She asked, oblivious.

"Nothing." I muttered, recognizing that it wasn't funny the first time, so it certainly wouldn't be very amusing should I repeat myself.

She went back to her blank, puzzled stare. I sulked.

It had been like this ever since the incident-that-must-not-be-named-or-spoken-aloud. I'd try to break the awkward silence, and Lily'd mutter some noncommittal response in return. I'd get ready to challenge her on that, force her into a conversation with me, and then I'd lose my nerve and back down as well.

Repeat cycle.

It was maddening. She was maddening. One minute she's kissing me like there's no tomorrow, the next, she's sitting here with me, giving me the cold shoulder, and making me seriously worry whether she's contemplating hitting me. One minute, I'm wrapped up in her, sinking in her, drowning in her, and loving every second of it. The next, I'm gulping for air, staring into her blank, sightless eyes, and I'm suddenly terrified.

She looked angry at me. No, no, that couldn't be it. She just looked confused. Maybe confused and angry? Maybe just a little put off. Mildly angry, but mostly confused. Mildly confused, but mostly angry?

It was killing me. This sitting here and not knowing what was going through her mind. She was usually so forthright. When she was scared she told me. When she was pissed she certainly let me know. When she was happy, she made no move to hide it. But now… Nothing.

I couldn't take this any longer. I had to get her to talk to me, whatever it took. I wasn't going to back down this time.

I'd do it tactfully. Start slowly, and then gradually build towards what I really wanted to know. It would be clever, calculating, tasteful even-

"Are you mad at me?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

Her head snapped up sharply, alarmed. "No." She said flatly.

"Really?"

She shrugged. "What makes you think I'd be mad at you?"

"Er- I don't know. Maybe all the long, drawn out stretches of silence. The grunts and non-answers whenever I try to get you to talk. The fact that you know exactly where I am, but refuse to turn your head in my direction."

She sighed in such a way that I was sure she'd be rolling her eyes if she could. Then she turned her head so that her sightless eyes were practically boring holes in my forehead. "Happy?" She asked bitterly.

"No." I mumbled, pouting like a petulant child.

"Why not?" She asked curtly.

"Why won't you talk to me?" I parried.

"I'm talking to you right now."

"No you're not."

"I'm moving my mouth and flexing my vocal cords. Hence, talking."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then maybe you should clarify…" She sighed loudly, "You know, I really don't want to do this right now."

"Do what?"

"You know what."

"Talk?"

"No. Argue."

"We're not arguing." I replied, but even as I said this I noticed my voice raise another octave, and heard the telltale drawn out last syllable that always seemed to accompany my voice whenever I was pissed about something.

"Right." She said dryly, once again seeing right through me despite her lack of eyesight.

Another stretch of silence. It seemed like an infinitely long time then, but may have been only moments, before Lily broke it.

"I'm just so tired James." She said, her blank eyes looking at me dead on, "So tired of all the pointless arguments. No matter what we do, we always end up screaming at each other, and that only leads to both of us getting hurt and neither of us gaining any ground whatsoever. I started out today so confused, and with every argument, every shout, every harsh word, I just get that much more perplexed. It's not solving anything, it's not certainly helping anything, it's just wearing us both out. And by this time, I'm just too tired to do it anymore."

I felt my eyes looking over her once more. I didn't notice it before, but she did look tired. Bone tired. No black circles under her eyes or anything. No, nothing quite so telling. Just little things. Stooped shoulders and a withering little grimace that seemed to fight to become a slight smile. An empty, haunted look to her eyes, that had perhaps been there all day, but seemed to have grown much more pronounced over the last hour. Limp, bandaged arms, and legs, she looked like a little rag doll that had been tossed around one too many times.

She was tired. And the thing was, so was I.

'_I'm just too tired to do it anymore' _she'd said. So I replied to her the only way I knew how.

"Then don't."

/-o0o-/

**LPOV:**

The thing is, not arguing is much, much, much, easier said than done. Trust me, I would know.

"So," I began awkwardly, having not the slightest clue what to say now that insults were out.

"So." He repeated, just as uncertainly.

"This is hard." I muttered.

He let out a breath that sounded halfway like a chuckle. "You bet."

This should not be so hard for us. We were both normal, healthy teenagers, perfectly capable of having a normal, healthy conversation with each other. And yet, here we were, tripping over something as trivial as small talk. It was kind of funny, when you really thought about it. Arguing came natural to us, it was when we tried to act civilized that things got difficult. We were like a pack of wild hippogriff. Kind of funny, but kind of sick too.

"Have you noticed, that we're sort of… backwards?" I asked.

"Backwards?"

"Yeah, you know. Arguing with each other is the easiest thing in the world for us, but when we try to have a civilized conversation it all gets shot to hell."

He thought about it for a second. "Well, I don't know about shot to hell, bloody awkward more like." He said finally.

"Same difference."

"Not really."

"Yes really." I insisted.

"No- Oh great, we're arguing again."

"No we're just… arguing. Shit, you're right." I put my head in my hands and shook it from side to side.

Another awkward spell of silence, punctuated only by the light splashing sound our feet made as we skimmed them offhandedly across the cold lake water.

"Questions," James said finally, "Questions are a perfectly good, none screaming/cursing/throwing-of-heavy-objects way of getting to know a person, don't you think?"

I couldn't stop myself from giggling slightly, "I guess." I said, "But I already think we know each other fairly well. I mean, you know, we have been arch enemies since we were like twelve."

"Did we even know what arch enemies meant when we were twelve?" Potter asked.

"Probably not," I admitted, "But there was that time I pushed your face in my kidney pie back in first year, and then you retaliated by shoving a baked potato down the back of my shirt, and we've been enemies ever since."

"Well, till I fell in love with you at any rate." James agreed.

"Sure, then we became the local soap opera."

James laughed. "Anyways, what I meant was, there's still a lot of things I don't know about you Lily. Things I'd like to know. Like, I know you have a sister and I know you two don't get along well, but I haven't the faintest clue why. I don't know a thing about your hopes, dreams, or fears. Hell, I don't even know your favorite color. And I'm almost certain you don't know mine. So, you know, if we really are giving the civilized conversation thing a try, maybe that's a good place to start."

I thought about it. Answering questions didn't seem so bad. Kind of a cliché, first date type thing, but harmless enough. And if it helped to break the awkwardness between us since our little rendezvous in the common room, then that was even more of an incentive.

"Alright," I said, "But you have to go first."

"Go first?"

"Yeah, tell me if you have any siblings, tell me about your hopes, fears, and dreams, and tell me what your favorite color is, and I'll tell you mine."

"Sounds fair," Replied James, "Alright then, here goes. I'm an only child, so, no siblings to speak of. I hope to become an auror when I leave school, I dream to marry you and start a family, but I know you're not that into the whole white picket fence deal, so that's really nothing more than a dream at this point. My favorite color is green, emerald to be exact, and my worst fear is thunder."

"Huh," I said, trying to digest this huge chunk of new information about James, "Why thunder?" I asked, just to have something to say.

"It just makes me cringe." Said James uncertainly, "I don't like it."

That was puzzling. James had been on the Gryffindor quidditch team since second year, he must have flown through his fair share of thunderstorms over the years. You would have thought that would vanquish his fear. I decided to be nosy and pry him for more details on this, "But why don't you like it?" I asked, "Is it just that it's loud, or is it something else. Did you get stranded in a storm as a child or something?"

"No, not stranded exactly…" He answered evasively.

"I'm sensing a but," I said.

"Huh?"

"A but." I clarified, "You didn't get stranded in a storm, _but_, there's still a story there."

"Well yeah," He acquiesced. "It's sort of embarrassing though."

He seemed ready to leave it there, but I certainly wasn't. I was suddenly curious as hell about the reason for James' mysterious fear. And ready to do just about anything to hear this embarrassing story told.

"Well," I said, "You're in luck, because there's actually a pretty embarrassing story regarding my fear as well. And I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours."

James snorted. "You haven't even answered my questions yet, why should I believe you?"

"Guess you'll just have to trust me." I answered cheekily back.

He thought about it for a moment. "Okay," he said slowly, "But answer my questions first, and then I'll tell you."

"Alright, let's see. I don't get along well with my sister because I'm a witch and she's a muggle, and she's jealous that I have magic in my blood and she doesn't. I hope to become a healer when I leave Hogwarts. I dream that someday Voldemort will find a decent psychologist, see the error in his ways and retire from his reign of terror to become a gardening fanatic, but I guess that's just about as likely as the two of us being civil long enough to get married and buy house with a white picket fence, so I won't hold my breath. My favorite color is orange, and my greatest fear is of heights."

"Huh." Said James, mirroring my own reaction to his answers. "Alright then, I'll tell you why I hate thunder."

I waited a moment while he took a deep breath, and seemed to contemplate what angle to go about telling his story.

"Well," He said finally, "I've always hated thunderstorms, ever since I was a little kid. They're just so loud, you know?"

I nodded.

"Anyways, that's not such an abnormal thing. For a little kid to be afraid of loud noises like that I mean. It happens, and I probably would have grown out of it, just like I'd grown out of fearing fireworks and motorcycles and bathrooms, but-"

"Wait, wait, wait. Hold up." I interjected, "You were afraid of _bathrooms_?"

James sighed, "Well no, not bathrooms exactly, just… toilets. And anyways, that's besides the point."

I snorted, "Why on earth," I asked, "Would you be afraid of toilets?"

"They're just noisy, okay?" Explained James rather defensively, "And swirly and smelly and sinister looking, not to mention my evil cousin once told me that if I stood too close to one while it was flushing it'd pull me into it's vortex and suck me into the septic tank where no one would ever find me and I'd have to live off rats and excrement or else starve to death, but that's totally besides the point anyways, so can you please just let me get on with my story?"

I giggled slightly at his obvious discomfort, and flustered rant. "Alright, go on with your story then, I'll try to keep from interrupting again."

"Thank you," Said James, "Let's see then, where was I? Right, I was always a little wary of thunderstorms as a kid. I never liked them, but I might have gotten over that fear, if it weren't for what happened to me on that fateful day."

I chuckled slightly, "Ooooh, sounds ominous."

"What happened to no more interruptions?"

I bit my lip. "Sorry." I mumbled.

"It's fine." He said, "So, back to the story. I think I was ten at the time, maybe eleven. Old enough that thunderstorms shouldn't really bother me anymore, but they still did. My mom had sent me to a muggle overnight camp for a week to see how I liked living away from home, you know, before Hogwarts started and everything. It was nighttime, and I'd just finished taking a shower. I was toweling my hair dry and getting dressed, when, out of the blue, I heard it. Thunder…"

He truly wasn't a bad storyteller, I mused. Just listening to his voice, you could tell that even though this story was uncomfortable for him, he was dead set on telling it right. And, honestly, he wasn't doing half bad. Strangely enough, it was kind of cute.

"…The loud, earsplitting kind that means the storm's right there. I guess I'd missed the rumbling in the distance because the spray from the shower blocked out the sound. Not that I was exactly thinking about that at the time, I was more focused on, well, being terrified…"

Well, no, not cute exactly. I would never describe James Potter as cute. That's just… wrong. More like amusingly adorable. Oh, Merlin, that's even worse.

"…So, without a second thought, I left all my stuff in the bathroom, ran outside, and made a beeline for my cabin. Thankfully it was extremely close by, but that's about as far as my luck stretches…."

I mean, he could be cute occasionally, I guess. He probably was on many occasions, and I was just too stubborn to notice. Or maybe I noticed, but was just too stubborn to admit it, even to myself.

"…Because, just as I was running through the doorway to my cabin, screaming like a girl and close to tears, I remembered something. I never finished getting dressed…"

Or maybe, I should just stop obsessing over like this like a shallow little schoolgirl and just focus on his story. You know, for blackmail reasons entirely of course.

"…All my cabin mates were staring at me like I'd grown a second head. Slowly, I looked down and realized that I was wearing nothing but my boxers…"

He trailed off. I guessed this was the end of the story. "Well, at least you had your boxers on," I pointed out, having nothing much better to say.

"If only it were that bad," James sighed, "Sure, I had my boxers on, but honestly, it almost would have been better if I hadn't."

I scoffed. "Why, were you an alpha male at ten?"

"Something like that, yeah," Said James offhandedly, "The thing is, at ten, I was a stupid git who thought he was all that-"

"Oh, so he admits it." I muttered, unable to resist.

James groaned loudly, "I didn't say I still was." He whined, "And that's the third time you've interrupted me, so if you'd kindly just… be quiet, that'd be great."

I noticed a long pause just before the phrase 'be quiet' and smiled a sinister smile. "You were going to tell me to shut up, weren't you?" I asked slyly.

"No, I- yes but-"

I laughed a little at his unease, secretly glad that James was having just as difficult a time as I was at this civil conversation thing. Though, truthfully, it was getting easier by the minute. "Don't worry James, I'm a big girl, I can take care of myself. Just get on with you story."

After a moments hesitation, he complied, "Alright, let's see. So, as a kid, since I seemed to think I was God's gift to the earth, and girls would just be falling into my outstretched arms like free candy once I reached Hogwarts, I took the next logical step in further assuring my manliness: I asked my mother to buy me boxers."

"You asked your mother to buy you boxers?" I reiterated, just to make sure I heard right.

"Yes," Grumbled James bitterly, "She asked me if I'd like to come with her to pick them out, but since I was way too cool to be seen with the likes of my mother in public, I decided to stay home. That was a huge mistake."

"So the boxers you were wearing when you ran into the cabin?" I asked, unable to fight back the gleeful smile that threatened to spread across my face.

"Baby blue." James stated, "With pink elephants."

I couldn't help but laugh. James didn't join me, so I cut it off quickly, but I simply couldn't let a story like that go by without at least getting in a few good chuckles.

"Wow," I said, once I was done, "That really is embarrassing."

"Uh-huh."

"But you know," I added, "At least they weren't pink with blue elephants."

"Would that have made a difference?"

"Totally, pink elephants are way manlier. I thought everybody knew that."

That did earn a laugh. A slight one, maybe, but it was still a laugh.

"So it's your turn now Mrs. Evans," He pronounced, with dare I say it, a bit of a flirtatious edge to his voice, "Think you can trump pink elephants?"

I smiled mischievously. "Oh yeah," I purred, "You bet."

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_A/N: So what'd you think? Hopefully that amused or at least entertained you somewhat. And just in case you're wondering, yes, fearing toilets is actually a legitimate fear. When I was younger I was terrified of them and had to ask my parents to flush them for me, such was my fear. But hey, I guess everyone has some sort of silly, irrational fear when they're younger. So my question to you is this, if you feel up to sharing, what was the strangest thing you were afraid of as a child? Or that you're afraid of now? If you want to answer, leave it in a review. If you'd rather stew in silence because I am evil and a procrastinator and not to be trusted under any circumstances because of the aforementioned evil procrastination, then hey, that's fine too. _


	10. Rain Rain Go Away Come Again in Zimbabwe

_A/N: Hey guys, this chapters kinda short, but I figured since I haven't updated this fic in almost a month I owed it to you guys to at least give you _something. _So here it is. It entails Lily's "embarrasing" story, which is truthfully not as funny as the previous chapter would suggest, but rest assured, all will be explained in later chapters. Also, just FYI, I'm not writing this all just to bore your pants off, it's actually quite important to the end of the story, which is coming up fast, predictably within the next two or three chapters, and is going to absolutely rock your world off its axis, guaranteed or your money back. Oh yeah, and thanks to everyone who shared a story for the last chapter. Some of them were quite funny and put a goofy smile on my face;)_

_Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Harry Potter. I sadly, do not. Excuse me while I go hide in my room and cry. _

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**JPOV:**

"I guess it all starts with dance lessons," Lily said, beginning her story with a wan smile, "I'd been taking them with my sister since I was four. At first, I'd only joined because of Petunia, but as the years went on I started to really enjoy it. Especially when Billy Sampson joined, and I got to be his dance partner."

"Billy?" I asked, grimacing slightly. I didn't particularly want to dwell on any of Lily's previous crushes, no matter how young she was at the time.

"Yes. Billy." She answered. "He was my first crush. I was nine at the time."

I noticed she didn't smile or even look particularly pleased as she said his name, like most girls would be when discussing their pre-pubescent love-interests. Obviously, there was some sort of unpleasantness lingering over the name.

"He was a really good dancer too." Lily continued, still unsmiling. "He could do just about anything with those tiny little feet of his. When he took center stage on that dance floor, there was no stopping him…"

She trailed off for a second. I took that as an opportunity to try to picture my puny little twinkle-toed adversary, but found I couldn't. She hadn't given me anything to go on really. So instead, I tried picturing what Lily might have looked like at nine years old.

She would have been adorable of course. Possibly even more adorable than she was now, as she stared blankly across the smooth surface of the lake, her hair swaying in the breeze, cheeks slightly flushed from the suddenly cold air, brows furrowed and lips pouted ever so slightly, as she no doubt contemplated this unpleasant memory.

"…He knew it too. That was the unfortunate part. He couldn't resist showing off whenever he got the opportunity to, because he knew how good he was, and wanted everybody else to know it as well…"

Naw, I figured. She couldn't possibly be any cuter than she was now. It was just as well. Billy Sampson sounded like a right prat, he didn't deserve to see Lily in all her adorable glory.

"…He kind of reminds me of you that way," Lily continued musingly, "You're both quite the showmen, actually. Can't resist letting the opportunity slide to show off your skill."

I scowled. I was not like that prat. Not in a million years. "Yeah, well. I don't dance." I said, saying as much.

Lily shrugged her shoulders. "I wasn't talking about the dancing. Though I've seen you dance before James, so don't try to deny it. Get a couple firewhiskeys in you and you're liable to dance like a six-legged hippogriff on speed. What I meant is that both of you like to show off a lot. You with the quidditch. Him with the dancing. That's all."

I was about to retaliate, when I noticed that for the first time since Lily had started telling her story, she was smiling. "It's not always necessarily a bad thing James." She said softly, as though sensing my annoyance, "You just love quidditch and want everyone to love it as much as you do. Or at least, that's what I think sometimes. Sometimes, I think you just show off to impress girls, but mostly, I think you do it because you love to."

My breath caught. That had to be one of the nicest things Lily had ever said to me in my life. Screw it, that had to be _the _nicest thing she'd ever said to me, ever.

Unfortunately though, she was continuing on with her story, seemingly nonplussed, so I didn't have long to dwell on this strange new development.

"So, like I was saying, Billy liked to show off. Which would have been just fine had he been dancing with just himself. But, unfortunately, he wasn't all by himself. He had a partner. And that unfortunate person, well, that happened to be me..."

I wondered if I tried to slip my hand in hers, if she'd mind. Maybe she'd even be so intent on telling her story, she wouldn't even notice? Well, I kind of doubted that, but there was the slightest chance that she'd notice and not mind much. There was a significantly higher chance that she'd notice and hex my hand up my arse, but I was kind of liking my chances.

"…Our annual recital was coming up, and my instructor wanted it to be big. Enrollment numbers had been dwindling, and she was eager to get more kids interested and signed up. She decided she'd go for kind of a cool effect, and have a few kids dancing on a raised platform above the stage. And, what do you know? I was one of the lucky ones chosen for that role."

Alright, here goes. You can do this Prongs. Just take a deep breath, grit your teeth, and do it. If you're lucky, you'll come back with all your limbs still firmly attached.

If, you're not, well, I'm not even going to go there.

"There were going to be four kids dancing at the top, but one kid came down with the flu and another one got scared when she saw how high up the platform was. So, in the end, it was just me and Billy."

I took a deep breath, and slowly began inching my hand towards hers. Closer, closer, closer… almost there, can't back down now… Until, when my hand was barely an inch away from hers, with a light splat, I felt a tiny droplet of water land on my outstretched palm.

I looked up at the sky in confusion. Had that black storm cloud always been there? Then I shook my head. It was just one cloud. Chances are it would blow away within the next few minutes and we wouldn't even get sprinkled on.

"…I was kind of scared to go up there too before the recital, but Billy coaxed me into it," Continued Lily, oblivious to the fluke raindrop, "He promised me that he wouldn't let me fall, and, stupidly, I believed him…"

_Plop. _Another raindrop. I bit my lip. It would not rain and spoil this perfect moment. I simply wouldn't let it. I'd use my remarkable power of telekinesis to harness the power of the elements and make it rain in Zimbabwe instead. Surely they could use the rain more than us?

"…The production started, and we climbed to the top of the stage and started dancing. It wasn't the first time I'd been up there, we'd had a rehearsal or two, but it was much more daunting this time, what with the lights and the audience and all…"

Dammit. That was another cloud. Go away stupid, ominous looking storm cloud. Get out of here. This is the first time in my life that me and Lily have gotten to have a normal, civilized conversation lasting more than thirty seconds, and you're going to ruin it all!

Yes, I have resorted to having a silent screaming match with a storm cloud to prevent it from raining. And no, I do not think of this as pathetic, but rather a rare display of determination.

_Waaah! Go away already! I'll do anything! Please, just go away and leave us alone you moronic, constipated glob of water vapor! Go on, shoo!_

Okay, so maybe just a tad bit pathetic.

"…At first, it felt great. Billy always danced his best when he had an audience, particularly a large one. For my part, I was pretty nervous, but fairly excited too. It was the first time I ever got to dance at center stage like that before. It was scary, but that almost made it all the more exciting…"

Another _plop! _This one a bit louder and bolder than the first. Lily seemed to notice it too now. She swiveled her head from side to side in confusion, as if expecting to miraculously see what's going on. "Was that rain?" She asked.

_Yes, _I thought. _Practically the entire sky is covered with black storm clouds at this point and it looks as though it's going to pour. _

"Yeah, but it looks like its just going to be a short sun shower and then pass us by. We'll barely even get wet." I answered instead, bravely thrusting my hand into hers at exactly that opportune moment.

She turned her head in the direction of her hand, but didn't say anything.

I couldn't tell whether I was glad at her unresponsive reaction or a little disappointed. Perhaps a mixture of both.

"Go on," I said, "Keep going with your story."

She shrugged and went on, "Like I was saying, dancing up on that platform was oddly quite fun. I sort of wished it could go on forever. I was just getting used to it and feeling more comfortable onstage when Billy decided it was time to alter the choreography a bit to his liking and show off for the audience…"

I decided not to look at the sky anymore. Maybe if I ignored them, the clouds would go away. It was a pretty flimsy theory, I'll admit, but at this point I was willing to try just about anything.

"We were supposed to each twirl around once and then return to the center of the stage and keep dancing with each other, but Billy had other plans. Instead of just the single twirl, he twirled around about three or four times, and added a bunch of graceful little kicks and jumps in to boot. I figured it must look pretty stupid of me to just stand there while he did all that, so I went back to the edge of the stage and tried to imitate him, but just as I was trying to do a one legged twirl like him, I lost my balance and had to put my foot down to steady my fall, only, the floor wasn't there anymore."

It was drizzling now, but I hardly cared. I was suddenly feeling quite scared for Lily. A part of me knew that this was all just a story, and, whatever happened, she was okay now at least. Another part though, a stronger part even, felt as though I were right there with her as this was happening, and I was suddenly terrified that Lily was going to slip off the edge of the stage and plummet to the ground.

"Well, as you've probably guessed by now, I fell off of the platform." Said Lily, confirming my fears," I managed to grasp the edge as I was going down though, so I didn't hit the ground. Yet."

Yet. That's a horrible word. Implying that something horrible is yet to come. It should be erased permanently from the English vocabulary.

Another fat raindrop plopped on my head. Then another. And another. I grit my teeth and pointedly ignored them as Lily went on.

"Everyone gasped liked they'd just had the wind knocked out of them, and Billy stopped dancing and rushed over to me. I'll give him that. At least he wasn't too absorbed in showing off his superior dancing skills to notice my mortal peril. Well, I guess that's an overstatement. I mean, the platform was only about fifteen feet tall."

Fifteen feet tall! Are you friggin kidding me!? I mean sure, I'd sustained worse falls at quidditch matches, but Lily was just a kid. There was nothing _'only' _about it.

"My hands were so sweaty that I was slipping fast." Continued Lily, frowning profusely as she recounted this rather painful memory. "I knew I couldn't hold on much longer. Billy reached out his hand and told me to grab it, he said he'd catch me and pull me up. I should have known he was too puny to do it, but I was panicked, so I let go of the stage and grabbed his hand."

The rain was picking up now, but Lily was on a roll and didn't seem to notice. She began talking faster and faster as the raindrops picked up speed themselves. As though both her story and the storm were eager to be through.

"My weight pulled him to the ground almost instantaneously, and I dropped about a foot. His arm was stretched out as far as it could go, and it looked as though his shoulder was going to dislocate itself. He must have noticed it too, because after a few seconds he got this scared look in his eye, and, instead of keeping his promise to me from before, he squeezed his eyes shut, and let go."

For a moment, not one of us spoke. The only sound to be heard was the pitter-patter of fallen raindrops, which, at this point, was making quite the ruckus. I was already beginning to get soaked. Lily looked pretty wet herself.

I suddenly noticed that our fingers were still entwined and Lily was gripping my hand rather forcefully, as though she were still dangling from the top of that tower, her heart pounding and her muscles taut, terrified that any moment could be the one that she would fall. Who knows, maybe she still was?

As if on queue, the heavens chose that exact moment to let forth a surge of water, plummeting from the sky and piercing my uncovered skin like bullets. I heard a distant rumbling of thunder and groaned.

Sometimes, my life felt like one of those under funded, badly acted, daytime soap operas.

Other times, it just royally sucked.

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_A/N: Yes, I know the last lines are kind of anti-climatic. What can I tell you, I'm very bad at coming up with clever endings. Next chapter is going to be quite long and will involve James facing his fear of thunderstorms, and while he's at it, learning the true reason for Lily's trust issues. Which is something you might have guessed at already, given the few blatent hints in this chapter, but if not, I hope you won't have to wait long. I really am going to try to get this up before school starts guys. I can't promise anything, but I can try. _


	11. So This is What an Epiphany Feels Like

_A/N: Yes, people, I am still alive. You're most loathed, procrastinating author is alive and kicking, albeit a bit sleep deprived, stressed out, and extremely frazled. Junior year is not agreeing with me. I think I must be alergic. _

_Lame jokes aside though, I have to apologize for how long this took. No excuses this time, I'm just sorry. _

**_IMPORTANT! PLEASE READ:_**

_**And, last but not least (Stay with me now, people) I'd just like to say that this chapter is going to throw you for a loop. This is probably the most abstract thing I've ever written for this site, and hopefully some of you will really love it, but I have a feeling some of you will not like it, or get it, at all. Either way I want to know what you think. Don't feel guilty about it, just tell me. I really do want to know. **_

_**Oh yeah, and italics are flashbacks to previous chapters. These flashbacks are not necessarily in any order whatsoever, but they did all happen in this fic. You might remember them. **_

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**LPOV:**

Everyone knows what a storm is. There's no need to describe it. It's that time when the earth decides to throw a little tantrum, and suddenly buckets of water are pouring from the sky, the wind is howling like a wounded animal, lightning is hurling downwards at about a gazillion trillion miles per hour, and the thunder is booming like there's no tomorrow. We've all been there. We've all sat on our front porch and stared up at nature's temperamental side in awe.

It's that time when you realize just how weak and puny you truly are, in the big scheme of things. That time when you figure you could be dead tomorrow. Or now, come to think of it. That time when you stare at those beautiful streaks of light racing through the sky, both amazed at their terrible beauty and scared shitless that maybe, just maybe, next time you won't be quite so lucky.

It's one of those inexplicable times when you feel close to yourself, closer than usual. Sometimes a little too close for comfort.

CRACK!

The thunder sounded, it's distant echo reverberating throughout the chasms of the owlery, our present shelter. James whimpered slightly, and I held him tighter, whilst giving his hand a reassuring squeeze. _I'm here, _I wanted to say, _Don't worry, I'm here. _

But I couldn't. The words wouldn't come. My throat suddenly felt dry as sandpaper.

I held him as though for dear life, one arm loped around his shoulders, pulling him close to me, the other entwined in his sweaty palm. He was my lifeline. My floatation device. My salvation. And who knows, maybe I was his?

We didn't speak. I'd made a few feeble attempts at conversation when first we'd arrived at the owlery, but it was soon apparent that James wasn't in a particularly talkative mood. Instead, we just sat there, our backs growing steadily sorer from the hard stone wall they rested upon, our hands gripping each others tighter and tighter with each crack of thunder, and our hearts racing, thudding in our chests, a sound nearly equal to that of the din of the heavens.

He was closer to me than ever before. I'd never let him hold onto me like this. Never held another human being such as I held him now. And yet, it was an estranged kind of closeness. Like there was a curtain dividing us. Like we were thousands of miles apart, held together by a string. He was here with me now, but he wasn't. He was far away.

So was I.

_I was sitting on the cold tiled floor, and he was apologizing to me for hurting me. But I wouldn't have any of it. I was shaking in anger. I was screaming at him. Something about fairy tales, and knights in shining armor, not particularly caring what came out. The objective was to hurt him, as much as he'd hurt me. Not to speak eloquently._

'_CRACK!_' went the thunder. A low moan escaped James' lips. The pressure increased on my rapidly numbing hand.

I suddenly heard James' voice, as clearly as though he were whispering in my ear right now, but I knew that couldn't be true. If anything, James was far from here and now, retreated inside himself to hide from the storm.

_"Of course my apology was sincere! If it wasn't, I wouldn't be arguing with you over it!" he'd screamed at me. And I'd secretly loved how that passion filled voice had made me feel. Wanted. Needed. Even loved._

'Pitter-patter, pitter-patter, pitter-patter,' went the rain, like a distant cadence, sounding in between the symphony of thunder and lightning.

_"Why are you afraid of me Lily?" _James' tender voice sounded again in my head, sending my mind reeling, back to that moment of terror in the kitchen,_ "I wouldn't hurt you. I love you. You know that."_

_He said it so certainly, so confidently, I found myself wanting to believe him. With every fiber of my being, I wanted to believe he spoke the truth. It was that desperate, hold-on-for-dear-life-till-your-knuckles-go-white-and-your-fingers-numb kind of yearning, and that's what frightened me most. _

_"You don't love me." I said to him, my voice trembling as I did. But I said it more to myself than to James. He didn't love me. He couldn't. I simply wouldn't allow it. That's what I made myself believe._

CRACK! BOOM! CRACK!

And another whimper from James.

Cue the music.

CRACK! BOOM! CRACK!

This time a groan.

_"I know you don't trust me," James had said to me, "And not without good reason either, but I trust you. I don't know if it means anything to you, but I do."_

_And though I would never have admitted it for all the galleons on earth back then, it had meant something. It had felt good. Floating-up-into-the-sky-on-freakin-cloud-nine good. He was right, I didn't trust him. To bestow your trust upon another was a big deal, a huge step. It was a gift really. One that I was happy to receive, but not quite so enthusiastic to give in return._

CRACK!

_We were sitting by the lake, dangling our feet into the ice-cold water. We'd just resolved not to argue__anymore, and things were getting more awkward by the minute. Finally James spoke up, __"Questions," he said, "Questions are a perfectly good, non screaming/cursing/throwing-of-heavy-objects way of getting to know a person, don't you think?"_

_And I'd laughed. It was funny. He was funny. It was nice being able to laugh with him. Nice to share stories that meant nothing and everything. Nice to just be with him, no strings attached. _

_He'd broken the ice back then. And he'd done it by diving right on in. _

_I wanted to follow him, but I couldn't._

_The water was too cold._

Pounding rain, like giant footsteps overhead. Booming thunder, louder than ever, slowly building in volume and in scorn. The storm seemed to be reaching its climax now, where it went from there, was anyone's guess.

_We were back in the common room now, and I was screaming my lungs out, raising my voice as loud as it would go. My voice was so loud, it was pounding in my brain, reverberating through the cavities of my being. All thought process had long ago ceased, and all that I was left with was a distinct awareness that the room seemed to be heating up…_

BOOM!

_Now I was back in time, sitting on the edge of a bathtub and laughing at some stupid comment James had made. I sliced my hand blindly through the water, in a desperate attempt to splash him. _

_He laughed, "There you go Lily!" He encouraged, "See, was that so hard?"_

_It wasn't. Smiling with him around wasn't hard. Being with him wasn't so hard either, really. When we were being civil with one another, and even when we really weren't, it was one of the easiest, nicest feelings in the world._

CRACK!

_Back in the kitchens now. I was telling him again, "You don't love me."_

_There was only the slightest pause, and then he answered back. Steadily, defiantly, "I do. I love you Lily."_

BOOM!

_The kitchens once again. Before our second fight. He was trying to feed me out of his hand like a pigeon, and I wasn't having any of it. He sighed, and asked, "Don't you trust me Lils?" _

_His original question had been teasing. And my answer had been much the same. Jovial, but with the slightest hint of bitterness._

_His response hadn't been quite so carefree though. As a matter of fact, it had been dead serious. "Why not?"_

CRACK!

"_Why not?" Potter had asked me, "Why not? Why not?"_

Hiss, whoosh, BOOM!

_Why not? I asked myself, as I recalled the way his fingers danced across my skin in the tub, like little pinpricks of lightning, racing to melt my icy heart. And the feeling I'd got when I'd finally given in to his incessant assault. I'd felt warm, I'd felt safe, I'd felt happy. Happier than I'd felt in a long, long time._

CRACK! Bang! … piter-patter, pitter-patter…

_Why not Lils?_

_Lils. The way he said my nickname, the way it just glided off his tongue and into the open air, as though it were the most natural thing in the world. It sent my spirits soaring, and my mouth twitching into a smile, usually without my consent. I couldn't help but grin, whenever my name launched from his lips. _

_Why not?_

BOOM! CRACK!

_Why not? _

_"I love you Lily." He said to me, even as he shoved me up against the wall. I looked straight into his eyes then, and what I saw in there was not at all what I'd expected to see. _

_Fear._

_And I'd thought I was the one being pinned to a wall by their psycho non-lover. _

_Why not?_

CRACK! BOOM!

_"Why are you afraid of me Lily?" he asked me again. _

_I'd never really answered that question. I'd assumed it was obvious… at the time at least. _

_Now, I wasn't quite so sure. _

_Why not?_

Woosh! Bang!

_"I love you Lily." He said to me, his eyes conveying multitudes of intense emotions, chief among them, fear. _

_I wonder if he had that same look in his eye when he'd told me he trusted me. _

_"I trust you Lily."_

_"I love you."_

_"I would never hurt you."_

_Why not?_

CRACK!

_I was standing on the top of a tall tower, looking over the side at an endless black abyss. Billy Sampson stood beside me. _

_"Don't be afraid," he said to me, "I won't let you fall, I promise."_

_I looked back over the side apprehensively. _

_And did a double take when I realized I was looking down into James' beaming face. _

_He smiled up at me. A wide, crooked smile that made my insides want to melt like butter. _

_Then he broke that smile, and spoke._

_"Jump," he said, "I'll catch you."_

* * *

_A/N: There was going to be dialogue in this chapter, but I cut it out. Next chapter will have the big heart to heart between James and Lily. I really felt like it was important, that in this chapter at least, they faced their fears alone. In life, people are gonna come along that make you want to face those things that scare you, but all they can really do is usher you over to them. No one else can face your fears for you. In the end, it all comes down to you, and only you. It's when you face those fears for somebody else, that's what makes it beautiful. _


	12. AN

_**Authors Note**_

**_Yes, I know, I hate these too._**

**_So here's the deal guys. I'm really sorry it's been so long since my last update. I realize this entire fic has been terrible as far as updating speed goes, and I feel bad for the loyal few who've stuck with me thus far. I know it's not fair that I keep promising fast updates and then making lame exuses when they don't happen. So here's me saying sorry. _**

**_Now, I'm not making any promises here, but since I have a bit of a vacation in a few days, I hope that this next chapter will be up by the end of the week. For those of you who want a little bit of a sneek peak, here's a little snippet of it. It's in Lily's POV: _**

"Right, food," James said, picking up on my stomach's not so subtle message, "I just found two cauldron cakes in my pocket, you want one?"

It wasn't much, but my abdomen seemed to be doing the tango at just the mere thought of this measly snack.

"I'd love one." I said, my mouth watering.

I heard the crinkle of the wrapper as he took the cake out of his pocket. Then more crinkling, which seemed a bit unnecessary to me at the time.

"Open up wide." He said jovially, "In comes the broomstick."

He started making _vroom, vrooming _sounds in the back of his throat. I promptly slammed my mouth closed.

"James, I'm blind, not two."

James snorted, "I've noticed. Now open up before the broomstick crashes into your lips and I have kiss them all better."

That certainly made my mouth fly open. If having my jaw nearly drop off my face counts as opening my mouth.

James took my momentary bafflement as an opportunity to sweep in and plop a small piece of cauldron cake into my mouth. Instantly, my tongue whipped out and wrapped around this succulent treasure. Slowly, methodically, I chewed and savored this small piece of chocolaty heaven.

I swallowed it begrudgingly, immediately wanting more. Abandoning all sense of pride in favor of my moaning stomach, I opened my mouth wide, practically begging James to feed me some more.

James chortled, but didn't comment. Instead, he fed me the rest of the cake, and what I suspected was a bit of the next one like the gentleman that I was just beginning to realize he truly was.


End file.
